This is my dog Zazu.  He is not an asshole.

This is a meme about a dachshund (dox-en) who looks like an asshole.

Recently, I was bit by an over-protective dachshund. So, I decided to blog about dog bites. They happen. I didn’t know what to do. The result was an infected finger and four stitches. I want you, Fort Collins, to be informed as to what to do when you get bit by a dog. My injury could have been a lot worse if I had not kept a level head.

1. Do not rip your body part out of the dog’s mouth. Once the dog bites you, every instinct in you body will tell you to pull away. DON’T! I have watched this happen and the result is usually the mangling of said body part. Which could lead to plastic surgery if said body part is mangled enough.

2. Do go to the hospital right away. Oh so you think that the dog bite wasn’t so bad? Just a cut? Dog’s mouths are teeming with bacteria. Nasty, disgusting, horror-movie, bacteria. As a matter of fact, all mouths are teeming with bacteria. Even your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/significant other. You may not need stitches but you do need a medical professional to clean the wound properly and you will need to take antibiotics. Don’t just soak the wound in peroxide and call it good. Peroxide can kill new cell growth and set you back.

3. Do be honest about what dog bit you and what the circumstances are. It is illegal not to. Just like it is illegal to not pick up your dogs poop or to have your dog off leash. It seems like many people are STILL confused by these laws.

I took the following directly from the Larimer County Humane Society’s website:

You must:

Provide the officer with your contact information (name, address, phone number)
Verify that the bite broke the skin (confirmation by a licensed physician)
Provide animal owner information (name and address if known)
Provide description of the biting animal (size, color, breed)
Provide the circumstance of the bite
Provide specifics as to the area of your body that you were bit
Provide where you got medical attention

Do not try to protect the animal. The humane society is reasonable and will not do anything to harm your pet or someone else’s  pet. It is for everyone’s own good.

4. Do seek trauma counseling if needed. It is OK to not be OK with what happened. It can be extremely traumatic to get bit by an animal. If you need help, you can even ask for it at the ER. They will help you work through what happened and then they will refer you to someone for long term treatment if needed.

5. Do not try to be a hero. To avoid a bite in the first place, don’t be stupid. Don’t break up an animal fight, tease an animal, play rough with an animal or be an asshole in general to an animal. The animal will be an asshole back. I mean, come on, you were asking for it.

Love your animal, but take precaution when necessary. Not all animals are friendly and it is SO important to immediately get help when bitten. Don’t let your finger (or body part bitten) get like this:

WARNING!! GRAPHIC PICTURE AHEAD!!!

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Be safe out there, Fort Collins and Happy Monday.