You’ve got a golden ticket, a rare opportunity, a hall pass. A round trip ticket to Singles Land and back again. Your wildly generous and understanding husband is giving you a window of opportunity to relive the single life for three months time. You want to know how to mentally prepare yourself to go out and have sex with strangers? The answer is, you don’t. This is something that you are going to do and have made your mind up to go do already. Otherwise, this “hall pass” of yours wouldn’t exist in the first place. I would love to know how the “hall pass” came to be; if it was a condition of his leaving and whose idea was it in the first place. But, I don’t know these things. Before I give you advice on going out and having sex with strangers, I want to first give you some marriage advice. I know you didn’t ask for marriage advice but I am going to give it to you anyway. Deal with it.
Let me make one thing clear to you, this hall pass is going to change your marriage. Have we forgotten what it means to be married? Marriage is a commitment between two people to be in an exclusive relationship with each other until death or the divorce papers are signed. The concept of an open marriage doesn’t make sense to me. Why get married in the first place? Is it because you know at the end of the day if your recent sex-capade didn’t work out, you will at least have someone to come home to? If you are not getting what you need from one another then this is the time where you work on things together to figure it out. The easy way out is to go seek what you need somewhere else.
You are saying that you can’t go without sex for three months? I hate to break it to you, but three months is not a long time. Haven’t you been to Dr. Johns lately? Or, better yet, to a Passion Party? You know what I am talking about, ladies, where a representative brings sex toys to the comfort of your own home and demonstrates the many wonderful uses of said toys. Sex toys are the wave of the future! My first piece of advice is to invest in one of those babies, cost be damned. You can thank me later.
Sex toys aside, I do know what you mean when you say you need a lot of attention. I do too, and I crave human companionship and closeness. You will be starved from that closeness for three months. You sound like an emotional person and very well may get emotionally attached to whatever strange man (or woman) you chose to sleep with. I can almost guarantee that you will get addicted to the freedom. And, why shouldn’t you? You are going to get away with something that breaks up most marriages. Are you ready for the emotional instability that this fleeting three months is going to bring you? My guess is no, and if you really think you are, well, you’re not. What you need is emotional attention, not physical attention. For some reason you have confused the two. You will not find fulfillment in going out and having sex with strangers. All it will be is a physical escape, not an emotional one. But, you are going to do this anyway so I might as well point you in the right direction.
Let me make one thing clear: it is easy for a woman to go out and have casual sex. Men will have sex with you! You don’ t really have to put much effort into this!
And now, it’s time for…
Robyn’s Guide to Going Out and Getting Laid
Step One: Don’t just use the ‘seek and destroy’ method. Like the wild zebra quietly grazing in the grasslands of Africa being stalked by the noble lioness, a man KNOWS when a woman is out for the hunt. He can sense it. The key is not to be aggressive, but to act casual. Men like the challenge, intrigue and mystery of a woman. The most important thing is to reek of confidence. If you give an air of confidence, they will come to you. Don’t plan an encounter, just let it happen.
Step Two: Dress to impress. Two words, flashy earrings. Think of them as fishing lures. Wear a hot outfit too. NOT slutty, hot. Play with your earrings often and flash a smile around the room. I have had more guys approach me this way than I can count.
Step Three: Don’t got to Tony’s. Or any place in this town that is questionable. You don’t want sleaze, just sex.
Step Four: Double bag it. Please be safe. The last thing your marriage needs is addition of an STD or an illegitimate child.
Step Five: Emotionally disconnect. Whoever this person is that you will be sleeping with, there will be some form of attraction. Make sure it is only physical. How do you do that? Don’t dig too deep into this person’s life, keep your relationship shallow and, above all things, make sure they know you just want sex. Don’t share too much of yourself, be guarded and keep reminding yourself it is only about sex. NOTHING MORE.
When your husband gets back from his time away, you wont be able to go back to how things were. As long as you are aware of that, and HE is aware of that then go forth and fulfill your hall pass. When you are ready to work on your marriage again, write back to us.
What did you think of Robyn’s advice? Comment below, and then check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice!