Dear Robyn and Skippy,
Here is the thing, I’m a flirt. As in huge. Everyone I talk to, if I like them even a little bit I flirt with them, all of my friends, all of the time. This is not the problem, I’ve come to terms with this a long time ago as has my (now)Husband. It also helps that all of my friends are huge flirts as well. We flirt all the time. It’s what we do; it’s how we show affection. It has never gotten me into trouble before now.
Here is the thing; I got married not long ago. When I got married people who I love came in from all over the country to be with me many of them brought their significant others to join us as well. In particular my oldest friend came into town with her husband, I had never met him before ( I was unable to make it out of town for her wedding the year before because of an injury) but he got on great with my friends and my husband. We loved him. Like the missing piece of our social circle. After the wedding they returned home but we did not stop being in contact. He was a great guy after all.
Fast forward a few weeks and I was full blown freaking out. What had I just done? I was married to someone? Me? How the hell did that happen? OMG! This Is forever! Never once questioning my love for my husband, I love him, I was freaking out of the commitment aspect, both of us never really dated around before finding each other. (but that’s not what this question was about).
All through this I was talking to my new friend. We were growing close. Sharing secrets and the like. And as I do with all of my friends I was flirting with him, nothing I would not have said or done if he was in person in front of me. and while I didn’t tell him about my new anxiety we were getting personal.
And then he sent me a picture of his dick, flowed by a video of him rubbing one out.
I turned off my phone and didn’t reply, I didn’t know how to. I didn’t ask for this, this is not appropriate behavior. His wife is my oldest friend! He was at my wedding!
Eventually I wrote him back saying that was not my intent. That I’m not comfortable with our relationship going that way. And he said OK, we can go back to normal. But every time I talk to him it is usually a very short conversation quickly followed by “I miss what we used to do.” Or “ You still owe me a picture.”
Now, my husband and I have talked about this, we don’t keep secretes (OK I might have kept it for a day or two while I sorted out if I had done anything wrong or not. And we both agree that I did not) he is fine with me, and he says he is not upset with our friend (and I am inclined to believe him, but this is also a guy we don’t see ever, things might be different if we did) so my question is not how to tell him (also I’m over my post wedding anxiety over commitment. We are very happy.). My question is:
Do I tell her? My oldest friend? I mean, I don’t think I did anything wrong but I know that my flirting could have been taken the wrong way by someone who doesn’t know me very well, I don’t want to her hate me, but if this happened with me then I know it has to have happened with other women and my friend deserves better then to be cheated on. And, if I don’t tell her how can I maintain normality in my relationship with him next time we meet in person?
Read Robyn’s response here: She Says: Besties Before Testes
Read Skippy’s response here: He Says: It’s A No Boner. I Mean “No Brainer.”
What do you think about the sexting situation? Got some advice for Flirty? Comment below.