Dear Gay Boy With a Problem,
Boy meets girl, boy becomes best friend with girl, boy dates other boys, girl falls in love with boy, boy still dates other boys, girl tries to get boy even though boy likes other boys, boy needs girl to cool it, girl lives in own world where boy forsakes all other boys for her, and the world keeps on spinning.
I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got a delusional best friend. To her, you are the perfect man. You are in touch with your feminine side, you dress well, you know your manners, you are outgoing, you are funny, charming, charismatic… am I in the ballpark? She is ADDICTED to you and has started to rely on you to create happiness for her. Your relationship with her is creeping into the toxic stage, and you are in a VERY delicate situation.
“Why do we always want what we can’t have?” “Why does the grass always seem greener on the other side?” “You’ll never know until you try!” These are things your best friend is mulling over inside her head.
Wanting What You Can’t Have
You are unobtainable, and that makes you attractive. It’s never interesting when a romantic relationship is easy. Easy come, easy go. The hunt is on and you, my friend, are the prey.
The Grass is Always Greener
She has already established a strong friendship with you. The attraction is there; you were attracted to each other in some way, shape, or form to establish the “bestie” title. Maybe being with you would be better than any relationship she has ever been in. Why not? It’s already great! It can only get better, right? Right?
You’ll Never Know Until You Try
She starts thinking about changing you. Every woman thinks this about a man in her life at one time or another, and has already begun to try to do so. Spending every moment with you was just the beginning. Now she is pushing others out of her life so she can rely on you to create her happiness. And, who knows? Maybe you will like vagina and hers is the magical one that will make you change your mind about men.
TIME TO ACT.
It’s time to stop this before it goes too far. This means some tough love. I know she is your best friend, but trust me on this one. It will only get worse if you don’t head things off at the pass. You are her drug, and she needs some rehab.
First of all, stop spending ALL the time together. Make it known to her that you have a lot of friends and need to spend some quality time with everyone else too. Make plans with your other friends and let her know you won’t be available at that time. Encourage her to do the same with her friends; and if she resists, ask her why she wont see her friends. Get to the bottom of her resistance. Also, let her know that she is irreplaceable and special, but also that you need time with other people.
Time to ease into the “I REALLY AM GAY” talk. Tell her EXACTLY how you feel about her and how you want MEN, without the “WO-” prefix. Ask her if she is after you as a lover. Tell her, and really lay it out, how you will never be together in that way. Go to a public place and do this, it is a little easier if you are in a more casual environment. Then buy her a drink (alcohol, coffee, soda, alcohol) and talk about your feelings for each other. Start every sentence with “I feel.” My husband and I do this all the time when we don’t know the absolute facts about a situation or conflict. It makes our arguments more rational and less confrontational. It also makes communication a lot easier. You are not saying “this is how it is;” you are saying “this is what is going on in my head, can you confirm or validate my feelings?” All feelings are valid, so don’t sweep them under the rug. Work with them together, find your happy medium, and let your friendship continue to evolve. Everyone and everything changes, that is one thing you can always be certain of. So we either evolve with each other, or go our separate ways. I feel like your friendship is strong enough that you will take the evolution route.
Now to put the fun back in the friendship. You want her to find an ideal romantic relationship with a great guy? Be her wing man! Go to a bar, club, or event with her and help her scope out the place. Approach the opposite sex with her and talk her up (you can go guy-shopping for yourself on another day). She will want your approval anyway and you will both have a good laugh wading through a sea of eligible men. She may still wish you weren’t gay, but she will learn to move forward. In time she will drop the infatuation and find out the grass is actually greener for her in straight man land.