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Question of the Week: Is Love Conditional? — 1 Comment

  1. Your post is a little non-specific, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about yourself. People absolutely can change and evolve for the sake of our partners but in two, five, ten or twenty years from now you’re still going to be you and he’s still going to be him. Are you really going to be able to stick to these conditions and live your life? Are you going to agree to these conditions and then slowly attempt to shed them? That’s not fair to either of you.

    I have to be skeptical whenever I hear anyone try to justify a conditional relationship because, even though relationships can be hard and certainly are a lot of work, being with your partner on an average day should feel like your “natural state”. Putting rigid conditions on the whole thing really undermines a lot of what being with a partner is supposed to do. If you end up making the decision to meet his conditions based on a fear of being alone then the whole thing will only end in tears, maybe after wasting a couple more years.

    Now, if the conditions are very reasonable and don’t infringe on you being who you actually are (ie: “please don’t steal and pawn my possessions anymore, or “your addiction is out of control, you need to do something about it”) then it’s probably worth considering.

    Also remember that the strongest negotiating position is that of someone who is willing to walk away from the table. “Honey, I love you, but I’m not gonna do that stuff. I’d love for you to give me a call if you change your mind.”

    A lot of the time, when we feel at fault, we clam up and forget to assert ourselves, but, regardless of what you’ve done, or haven’t done, you must look out for yourself. It’s only fair to you and, in the long term, your partner doesn’t want to be with a miserable version of you.

    Hope that was helpful.

    A.

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