Howdy Ask Us Fans!
Welcome to another installment of banter from Robyn and Skippy! This week, our advice on how to survive the winter here in Fort Collins, and, well, all of Colorado. Enjoy!
1. Don’t Expect a Snow Day.
Robyn Says: It takes a blizzard to shut down our dear town, and even then we seem to still have to go to work or school. When we do have a snow day, it is a miracle.
Skippy Says: The city should sell off all the snow plows and sand trucks. When it snow instead of plowing the roads everything would have to shut down. Hell yes. Forced snow day. That’s how we should roll. Snow is nature’s way of saying “hey humans, slow down and smell the roses.” ‘Cept all the roses are frozen.
2. Don’t Assume the Roads Will be Plowed By The Time You Leave for Work.
Skippy says: ‘Cause they will not be. And if they are, they will be half ass plowed. There will be a nice sheet of ice on the road. Perfect for sliding into other objects. One more reason to get a job where you can work from home.
Robyn Says: Yeah, like sliding into big ass trucks. Because for some reason, no matter how the roads are, people who drive trucks think they are invincible. Slow down, Captain Asshole.
3. Do Stock up On your Favorite Microbrew
Robyn Says: You never know when you will be able to get back to your local brewery, plus, all the good seasonals come out during the winter. Grab your growlers and stock up!
Skippy Says: In Colorado one should always be prepared with emergency supplies. The freezer should be stocked with steak and at least one bottle of gin. The fridge must contain at least a 12 pack, a growler, tonic, vermouth and olives. Now you are ready for a winter storm.
4. Do Wear layers
Skippy Says: And by layers we don’t mean socks with sandals. It’s totally acceptable to wear shorts in the snow but put on a damn coat you fool. Else you’re gonna catch your death of cold.
Robyn Says: And if you do wear shorts, don’t be blinding everyone with your mayonnaise legs. We do have a lot of sun here in our lovely state, but I bet you haven’t been tanning lately.
5. Don’t Believe the Weatherman (or Woman)
Skippy Says: We all know that’s a bunch of B.S. Sure if the weatherman says it’s going to snow it might snow. Or it might not. It’s still a toss up almost all the time. Keep in mind that the weatherman gets paid regardless of his batting average. He doesn’t even care if he’s right or wrong.
Robyn Says: I wouldn’t want that job. I like being right most of the time. Still, I bet the benefits are good. OK, hire me. I will predict that at 6am it will snow, by noon it will be eighty degrees and by midnight there will be a hailstorm. Am I in the ballpark?
6. Don’t Go Skiing on a Weekend
Robyn Says: Does anyone from Colorado actually go skiing? I thought that is what all the imports do.
Skippy Says: Or better yet don’t go skiing at all. What’s the big deal about sliding down the side of a hill with a stick tied to each of your feet. You could be drinking Martinis by the fireplace instead. Yes, they should be shaken not stirred. It’s about the ice crystals.
7. Don’t go Dressing Like a Slut in Old Town on a Friday Night in 6 Inch Heels
Skippy Says: No heals in the snow & ice girls. Wear your Ugg boots. Keep those boots fluffy and those skirts short. You know how Skippy likes it. He likes it often, cheap and easy. Otherwise known as Old Town Style.
Robyn Says: So, you think you are hot stuff? You look ridiculous and I know you are freezing your booty off. It’s icy, ladies. You are going to fall and break your face.
8. Exercise Your Body and Mind
Robyn Says: Hot Yoga is the best way to keep you body and mind warm during the winter months. And sex.
Skippy Says: If you don’t like cold then you’re gonna be stuck indoors. Don’t turn into a couch potato playing video games all day. Keep your mind and body active. You can enhance your brain power by playing chess with a hottie. Strip chess that is. That way you’ll soon be exercising your body as well.
9. Stay Hydrated
Skippy Says: And all joking aside, I don’t mean with booze. Just because the weather isn’t warm doesn’t mean you don’t need water. Drink water. It’s good for your brain and your skin. And there is plenty of it. For free. It’s falling out of the damn sky.
Robyn Says: Especially when you have just boozed. Or gone skiing. Altitude sickness is real, folks. Colorado: Our altitude will fuck you up.
10. Find Someone To Cuddle With
Robyn Says: Or, you can cuddle with your dog, cat, vibrator…
Skippy Says: It’s not too late to be my winter cuddle muffin. Send me a photo. I’ll get back to ya.
11. Learn To Love It
Skippy Says: When I tell people I hate snow they always ask “Then why do you live in Colorado?” The answer of course is that I don’t want to live in Minnesota or Wisconsin. You can make the best of winter by going out into it and enjoying it or you can make the best of winter by staying indoors and being productive. Regardless of your approach you better learn to love winter.
Robyn Says: I agree with Skippy. We do have more sunshine than most states and really nice Summers. We grin and bear the Winter months and love them for what they bring in the Spring.
12. Don’t Expect Anyone To Shovel The Snow Off Their Side walks
Robyn Says: Or put down salt. Or care if you fall on your ass.
Skippy Says: If the laws about shoveling snow on side walks were enforced with the same rabid ferocity as the smoking laws you would be able to walk down the side walk without busting your ass.