Dear Broke, Exhausted and Over It:

You my friend are screwed. But you figured that out already. Let this serve as a cautionary tale to all the men out there who think this isn’t going to happen to them.

You already know what you’ve done wrong but as an educational opportunity for the readers let’s briefly recap the red flags. You can skip to the section called “Breaking Up With Crazy”.

Giant Red Flags That Even Ray Charles Can See.

She has a drinking problem. Which you should have noticed in the four months you spent together before she moved in. I’m not sure why you didn’t notice this. It may have been the blinders of love. Maybe you still think getting drunk all the time is cute. If someone is 25 or older and still gets drunk more than once a week (and even that is pushing it) that’s a red flag.

She ran back to her ex-boyfriend, who is an alcoholic, and is physically abusive to her. She has low self-esteem and no standards for herself or anybody else in her life coupled with excessive need for external validation. This illustrates her selection process for relationship partners and how little thought she puts into it.

Her family would not take her in after she’d been in the hospital for three weeks recovering from the smacking around delivered by the alcoholic ex-boyfriend. There’s a place of happy moderation between a family structure that offers no support and a family structure where everybody checks in with each other every 15 minutes. Her family is clearly not operating within that happy medium. People will attempt to recreate their family in other relationships.

Given the family situation and the ex-boyfriend situation it’s clear that this girl has no reference point for what a sane and healthy relationship should even look like. Hence the reason she had no sympathy for you when your dog died. She is most likely a sociopath who has no empathy for anyone. Her best course of action would be to run for political office.

Take Away Lesson.

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. Before you let your boyfriend or girlfriend move in with you take a look at his/her relationship with their family and the quality of people whom they have dated and had sex with in the past. Investigate their friendships. Not like stalking, but do they have close friends they can rely on or shallow friends who only associate with them when getting drunk. What those relationships look like will inform you what living with this person is going to look like.

Breaking Up With Crazy.

You my friend are screwed.

If you plan for the extremes the middle will take care of itself. You need to plan for the extremes.

The easy extreme is that you ask her to leave and she leaves. You’ve tried that already. It didn’t work.

It’s the other extreme you need to be ready for because this girl is 50 Shades Of Crazy.

In an ideal world such as the one we don’t live in you would wait until she leaves the house. Pack her stuff. Put it outside. Have all of the locks changed. Done. Here is your main stumbling block. In addition to being 50 Shades of Crazy she’s got something else on you.

She’s a girl.

She’s the abusive one in this relationship. Yet because she’s a girl no one will believe she’s the abusive one in this relationship. Worst-case scenario after you’ve removed her from your home she will go to the authorities with stories of how you beat her, raped her and emotionally abused her. When this goes to court you will lose because you are a man. You will either go to prison, or give her 50% to 100% of everything you own, or both.

Do I even need to tell you stop having sex with her. Immediately. I know the sex is great. She’s insane. How could it not be. Stop. Now. Do not get her pregnant.

Get evidence of her abusive actions. Audio recordings or better yet video recordings. Save all text, voice mails, emails, and written notes. Assume that she will launch a full-fledged attack on you and your character designed to put you in jail and take everything you have.

Talk to a lawyer and find out the details about getting a restraining order and how to protect yourself from her retaliation. You must be prepared for the possibility that she will attempt to use the police and the legal system against you.

In your question you referred to “my house”. I hope it’s your house. If you bought the house and it’s in your name that’s good. If you’re renting and your name is the only one on the lease that’s good. If she has any legal claim to this house you are screwed. In fact you may want to consider leaving. Again you must talk to a lawyer and cover your ass.

Will she will try to kill you? Assume she will and hope she doesn’t. Be ready to defend yourself and capture evidence of her attempt on your life.

Finally stop to ask yourself what have you contributed to this. Why did you want to be with someone so obviously broken? Figure this out or you run the risk of repeating this mistake.

Why Are You With This Woman?

This girl has plenty of places to go. Her parents house. A woman’s shelter. The insane asylum. The ex-boyfriend. Some random guy she meets at a bar. You are going to have to help her move on to the next victim but you must cover your ass legally. With someone this far gone there is no telling what she will do to keep her fangs in you. Expect the worst and prepare for it.