If there is one thing I will never be able to stress strongly enough it’s this core concept:
You have to take care of yourself first.
Breaking up with this guy at the time you did so was most likely the right thing to do. In fact it was likely the only thing to do. I am unclear about one thing. Did you officially breakup or did you take an extended hiatus from each other. You refer to this person as your “ex” and said that you “broke up”. You then stated you are hanging onto the hope you would get back together after he dealt with the pressing issues in his life.
Did you “break up” or are you simply “taking a break”? Those are two very different things. I think the two of you need to be clear on which of these paths you are walking.
Clearly he needed some time to deal with the problems he is facing. When somebody you care about deeply is having intense personal problems any sane and caring person is going to want to do whatever can be done to help that person out. Sometimes all you can do to help another other person is give them space.
You can help others solve their problems but you can’t solve problems for them. It may feel like you are abandoning a person when you step away and leave them to their problems. You aren’t. There is only so much you can do for someone else.
Putting yourself first. Not selfish. Necessary.
There are times when you have to let people move out of your life in order to make room for yourself, your well-being and for the people who should be in your life. Seems to me all the indicators are pointing in this direction. If he is steadily moving away from you emotionally, getting angry at you and guilt tripping you I think he has made it clear where he stands on the subject of your relationship.
Or he’s terrible at relating to other people. Do you want a relationship with someone who is terrible at relating to others? No you don’t. Can you fix people who can’t relate to others? No you can’t.
Empathy. People have it or they don’t.
Even more telling is his assertion that you are the bad person and you should apologize. Without knowing the story from his side I have to wonder what you have done that makes you a bad person and what you’re suppose to be apologizing for. I’m baffled by this.
If the two of you agreed to spend some time apart why would he think you are a bad person for wanting to go 30 days without contact? If he is attempting to guilt trip you and being angry at you (for what . . . ?) why are you the one who should apologize?
I think you should apologize.
For wasting time on this person when you could have been looking for or spending time with someone better for you. You had to spend some time with him to find out if the two of you are compatible. At his point I think a conclusion is evident.
Y’all are not good for each other.
Is there a way to make him see his mistakes? No. There isn’t. Humans are very very good at not seeing their own mistakes. The average person has absolutely no self-awareness at all. Furthermore humans are rationalization machines. No matter what a person does he can rationalize it. From his perspective he isn’t making any mistakes. You are making mistakes.
You can attempt to reason with him and that might work. You can not “make” him see anything. In asking this question you are committing the biggest mistake you can ever make in life. You are expecting someone else to change to make you happy.
You can’t control other people.
You can only appeal to his reason and emotions. And don’t be fooled – humans are ruled by emotions. We make emotional decisions then after the fact create “rational” justifications for those emotional decisions. Then tell ourselves we made that decision based on reason.
As for this apology that you are wanting and waiting for. It’s time to stop waiting and move on. You aren’t going to get it and waiting for something that will never happen is only going to keep you from living the rest of your life.
Let it go.
Let it all go. Simply walk away. When walking away from this relationship don’t do so full of anger and spite. Don’t hate this guy. Don’t talk shit about him to others. Don’t set out to destroy his reputation or poison his friendships.
Accept that you put the effort into having a go at a relationship with him. You gave it your best and things didn’t work out. There are many lessons you can learn from this experience. Life always gives out lessons. Make note of them for future reference.