I’m not so convinced this is a bad thing.
Had you on the day after your marriage been feeling some sort of radical change in your life I think this would’ve indicated you were not ready to get married. If things still feel the same after marriage as they did then before marriage I think this means the two of you have a good foundation to build on.
In fact expecting being married to change your emotional state or how you feel is a really bad idea because it means you are expecting some external factor to manipulate you and your emotional state. You should be striving to control and manipulate your feelings and emotions yourself.
That being said I really don’t have any idea what “feeling married” is supposed to feel like.
If you and the person you married were happy being with each other, if you supported each other, if you were best friends, if you cared for each other before the wedding then it’s likely you will continue down that path after. If you were simply faking it for the sex or the money before the wedding you’re still gonna be faking it after the wedding. “Being married” doesn’t change who you are or what motivates you.
Marriage Is Not For You.
Here is the deal on marriage. Marriage isn’t for you. It’s for them.
Marriage is for the government and the lawyers. It’s your way of affirming to the government that they own you and you need government permission to live with the person you love and share stuff. It’s to let the lawyers know that if you decide not to live together any more you will give lots of money to lawyers to help you decide the details of your separation and who gets what property instead of sorting it out yourselves like rational adults.
Marriage is for your friends and family. It’s a ceremony to give them a reason to get together in one place where they have to avoid people they don’t like. It’s an open bar. It’s a party. Once the people who don’t like each other drink enough at the open bar it’s a spectator sport as they verbally or maybe even physically attack each other.
Why Don’t You Feel Different?
I don’t really know what you thought being married was going to change. As I said I don’t know what being married feels like and you were not specific about what you expected. You said that you feel like you’re still boyfriend and girlfriend instead of husband and wife. Perhaps you should just sit down and go through the process of nailing down what you expected to change with detail and precision. Elaborate on what the difference is between boyfriend and girlfriend versus husband and wife from your perspective.
Is there some behaviour, emotion or occurrence you’re expecting more of or less of?
Are you expecting some type of different response from the people around you?
Did you think that problems would be solved or opportunities would spring forth?
If you find there are some specific changes or markers you expected from being married then take a look at how things are going. If you are on the path to those changes and markers that’s great. If you don’t see them coming take action now to make them occur. You control your destiny and future.
Our culture puts a lot of pressure on people – especially women – to get married. The marriage ceremony is presented as a great transformational event in a person’s life. Maybe all of this build-up is part of what’s contributing to your confusion. Marriage is one of the many artificial milestones people take way too seriously. Such as:
- Getting a drivers license.
- Graduating from high school.
- Going to college.
- Turning 21.
- Graduating from college.
- Geting your first real job.
- Getting married.
- Having your first child.
- Sending your child off to college.
Each of these events is seen by our society as some form of rite of passage. People always think hitting one of these bullet points will in some way transform their life for the better and alter how others relate to them. In fact (other than having children which does require extensive life change) these events are and should be barely noticeable by anyone other than you.
My advice is to keep doing what you’ve been doing since it sounds like what you’ve been doing is working for you. If the person you married is in fact your best friend and you do in fact love and understand each other deeply I’m not really sure what more you could be expecting. I certainly don’t know how “excitement and adventure” factor into getting married.
Here are the most important things about marriage which you should of known before you got married. The only remnants you will have after the wedding ceremony are a dress that you can’t wear any place and the photographs. Hopefully you didn’t hire your photographer off craigslist.