You are doing what I call DED. That’s Dead End Dating. Some people have no idea what they want from a relationship, or even if they want a relationship. They date as a way of figuring this stuff out. You know (or at least claim to know) what you want yet you are dating someone who gives little indication of wanting or providing what you desire in a relationship.
When you know what you want from a relationship and you continue in a relationship with somebody you know wants something different that’s Dead End Dating. This is going nowhere. Here’s the good thing about Dead End Dating. You’re still dating. You aren’t married. Because finding out about these differences after you’re married is much much worse than finding out about them after two years of dating.
What to do about it? You already know the answer. And I know that you know the answer. And you know that I know that you know the answer.
You want to have children. That’s great. So long as they don’t become trophy children and burden the rest of us with their bad behaviour.
You want to travel. That’s great. You might want to consider the travel before the kids.
He doesn’t want children and doesn’t want the debt associated with travel. If he can’t pay upfront for the travelling we know he doesn’t make much money. Or maybe he doesn’t like the idea of travel and debt avoidance is simply the excuse he is using.
Regardless of any reasons or motivations for his lack of interest in these two realms the fact is the two of you disagree on two issues which are important, expensive, time-consuming and life-changing. Some people might say a relationship can survive major differences such as this. I would say those people aren’t too bright. Saying yes or no to children is a major decision.
You sound reasonably sure of the direction you want your life to take. This is good because it means you can point your actions in the correct direction to arrive at that destination. It sounds like your boyfriend has at the least a reasonable idea of where he doesn’t want to go with his life. That’s something and more than many people have.
You have reached a fork in the road. The time has come to part company. Do it and do it now before you become any more entangled.
More importantly do it now so you can start looking for the individual who shares your interest in children, family and travel. Your boyfriend, if he’s interested in having a successful long-term relationship, also needs to start looking for somebody who does not want children and is equally unimpressed with the notion of going into debt in service of jet-setting.
Or he just needs more money. But there’s nothing you can do about that.
As usual I will raise the question of what are you contributing to the problem. In this case it’s not that you started dating this guy in the first place. You had to spend time with him to figure out who he is and what he’s about. Information and experience is required to determine if he fits into your long-term plans. At this point you have relatively certain knowledge his long-term goals are not the same as yours. Your contribution to the problem is continuing to spend your time with him.
You need to have one of them conversation things. With him. About children. Remember you’re talking to a boy so there should be no hinting or beating around the bush. Honestly I wouldn’t even waste time with the travel and debt part of this. I would focus exclusively on the children aspect because it there is no agreement on children the other stuff doesn’t matter.
Find out exactly where he stands on the concept of children. He may not like having to give you a definitive answer about this. Maybe he’s open to children but not for some amount of time. Of course I have no idea how old you are because nobody ever mentions their age. Maybe you can wait a while on the children. Maybe you want the children in the near future. Bottom line, if he’s not willing to give you an answer and a time frame you can live with you are going to have to move on.
And it will be the best thing for both of you.
The worst thing the two of you can do is stay together and get married. This only sets you both up for a future of disagreement and resentment. End the relationship now without hard feelings and bad words. Acknowledge the fact that, as mean as this may sound, both of you can do better. Not meaning each of you is flawed. But better in the sense that each of you is not an ideal match for the other.