Dear Reconsidering Reunions;

You know why high school wasn’t a highlight of your life? Because you aren’t a loser. High school is a period of time in which you spend four years (five years for people who eventually go into politics or law school) surrounded by high school students.

Think about it. Would you choose to spend seven hours a day surrounded by high school students? For four years? For one year? For one day? I wouldn’t. Nor would any normal person. This is not anyone’s idea of “good times” unless you are severely emotionally retarded and intellectually handicapped. I know that when I went to high school the special education students were the most mature people in the school.

Certainly more mature than I was.

But how hard can that be right?

Let’s think about this. You wasted four years of your life hanging out with these losers. Should you go spend another day with them?

This is a tough one.

I’m thinking really hard.

I said “hard”.

I’m gonna go with . . .

Fuck no.

If you just want to show off your success and your hot wife that’s what Facebook is for. Everyone lies on the Book of Faces anyhow. Plus you can Photoshop your wife so she’s even hotter.

I find it interesting that some of your friends from high school want you to attend. Question is, how bad do they want you to attend. Bad enough to pay your expenses? I bet not. Still I’d make the offer to ’em. Add up your cost to attend. Be sure to include compensation for days of work you would miss. Divide that figure by the number of “friends” who want you to attend and tell each of them that’s how much money they need to send you. In advance. Then you’ll show up.

You can always tell what people really want and don’t want based on where they spend their money and devote their time.

If they really want you to attend let ’em put up some cash behind that desire. Otherwise ignore ’em.

My thoughts on reunions? Nothing complimentary that’s for sure.

Ever notice how reunions are most always organized by the people who where popular in high school. My theory is these people are struggling to remain popular. Back in the high school days they were important. They was the big fish in the small pond. Everyone knew their name, voted for them, cheered for them, wanted to be friends with them, so forth and so on. Oh the joy of being Prom King and Queen.

Then they graduated and impacted with reality. Suddenly they discovered the ocean is much bigger than the pond and none of the fish in the ocean are impressed with them. The loneliness. The depression. The longing for the glory days.

If all your glory days are in your past you might be a loser.

High school reunions are the saddest form of going back in time ever. College reunions, military reunions, so forth are at least the bringing together of a group of people who had something in common and who had some choice in the matter of coming together. You choose a college, a major, a fraternity. You choose (at least sometimes) to join the military, choose a branch, choose a MOS.

High school is place you go to because you’re forced to go there. You went to the specific high school you attended because you were forced to go there. Why go back in time to place you didn’t choose to go with people you didn’t want to be around.

It’s time to let go. High school is done. Don’t devote effort to living in the past.