Dear Not the Baby Daddy,
This is a situation you cannot salvage. That’s right, its time to find a new best friend. The thing I preach the most here on Ask Us Fort Collins is that communication is key. COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
He didn’t tell you that they were sleeping together? My guess is that he was trying to avoid an awkward situation. Hello karma! This came back to bite him in the ass in the worst way possible. Does he have feelings for her? Is he in love? Were they sleeping together before the two of you even broke up? Does he want to be a dad? Is he excited? Is she excited? Are they happy? These are questions you need to pose to your best friend. If he was sleeping with her before the two of you even broke up then, and I hate to break this to you, he wasn’t ever your best friend. Best friends don’t do that to one another! Best friends support each other and don’t pass around the gravy (her). Bros before Hoes!
This situation is a life changer. His life will never be the same. Her life will never be the same. By association, your life will never be the same. A child is for real, for ever and ever and ever. This girl that you still have feelings for? That you still have feelings of jealousy over? Yeah, she is not going to go away from your best friend EVER. You have to realize that if you choose to remain friends with your bestie, you will have to see their relationship (what ever that may be) until the bitter end. And by bitter end I mean until one of you dies. Morbid? Maybe. True? Hell yes.
One thing that the general populace must understand is that friends come and go, people we thought we could trust or we thought would be there for us through thick and thin, change. One thing you can always count on in life is change. Everything changes and those moments you thought would last forever? They will never be exactly the same as they once were. So you need to grow and change and understand that nothing is forever. This best friend of yours may have always been there and never gave you a reason not to trust him. That bond was broken the second he decided to stick it in her. I am sure that he was still aware that you had feelings for her as well. Do you think you can be there for him when he, in turn, deceived you? Could you play ‘godfather’ to his son /daughter without hesitation? I don’t think so.
To me, having sex with someone who has had sex with your close friends is like passing around a plate of half eaten food. Its not appetizing, there may be germs on the food from so many people sampling it, its most likely cold and the lions share has been taken away. Where’s the fun in that? Having sex with this girl is like he had sex with you. Disturbing, isn’t it? Why, oh why would you still want to be his friend?
Honestly ask yourself if this guy is worth it. Do you think you can handle this for the years to come without feeling some form of resentment? I am gonna go ahead and say no. It will always be there between you, festering and changing your friendship for the worse. I have no optimism for you on this one, dear reader, and I think there are better friends out there for you. I don’t know how long you have been friends with this guy and, even if its been since the day you were born, he is not worth it. No one is worth the heartache that comes from this particular situation. Just walk away. You don’t have to give him an explanation. I think it goes without saying why you need to terminate your relationship. Do it and do what you can for yourself to move past this situation. No one will blame you. It may take time, in fact it will. Give yourself plenty of time to mourn your loss and move forward. Other, better friends will surface when you need them and healthy relationships will come out of this turmoil. You will know what to look for in a friend and that is key.
Take some time for yourself after you have walked away and figure out what you need from a friend and, in turn, a girlfriend. Your future will look a lot brighter once you have removed the cancerous growth that has grown from this toxic friendship. Move forward with optimism and good things will come your way.
What did you think of Robyn’s response? Leave your comments below, then tune in Friday for Skippy’s response.