Dear Closeted Gay Supporter,
Sometimes it is a far far better thing to remain tight lipped then to get into a battle of rights, wrongs, and homophobia. Especially with someone you just met. It is hard to assess exactly who a person is when you first make their acquaintance, but I do understand that first impressions are everything. A fleeting comment about how she disapproves of Green Lantern being gay does not necessarily mean that she (or her husband for that matter) are homophobic. I do think that she is very closed minded and there is a strong possibility that she may, in fact, be homophobic. I do not, however, think you have enough evidence yet to make that assumption.
When she made the comment to her son about needing to find a new hero, there are a lot of things you could have said without being accusing. But you didn’t, and hindsight is always 20/20. I am sure that you were trying to make a first impression on her and you were extra cautious in what you said. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It sounds to me that you feel a tad bit guilty for not speaking up for something that you believe in, but it was neither the time nor the place. You did nothing wrong.
I am an optimist. I always try to believe in the very best of people. I want to believe that deep down inside, people are, for lack of a better term, good. That doesn’t mean that it is true. In fact, most people are assholes. As I get older (I will be 33 next week EEEK!) it gets harder and harder for me to believe in the good. I have found that most people will break your heart if you let them. The more you give to someone, the more they can hurt you. Friends, relatives, anyone. Good friends are hard to find, and if your husband struggles to make friends it may be because of trust issues. I think that it is highly possible that these new friends of yours may not be the ideal “good friends” for you and your husband to put much stock in to. The “gay” comment was a red flag and a sign that these people may lack compassion. In fact, I would bet money that they seriously do.
So, what should you do? Let me give you a few things to think about:
I don’t think that you should shut down a friendship with them completely. I am sure you will come to discover that you have different opinion on several fronts, but that is no reason to terminate a friendship just yet.
You say that they are friendly and that is just fine and dandy. There is a lack of friendly people in this world. But being a “friendly” person is different from being a good person. I am sure there were days when even Hitler was friendly. So, don’t believe that they have good intentions just yet.
Finding new friends is like getting a shiny new toy. It’s exciting, its fun, it can even be addictive and blinding. I remember making a friend that I was so excited about that I ignored the bad. She told me straight out that she liked to make people jealous. One day her actions to make me jealous caused us to terminate a very close relationship. I was warned, but I chose to give her my trust anyway. Boy, was I mistaken. You and your husband should not, under any circumstances, get caught up in the “shiny toy” aspect. This is a dangerous place to be and forces you to ignore the ugly parts of the people you are about to trust and love. I commend you for making an astute observation early on.
I am afraid that the only way you are going to know if a relationship with this couple is worthwhile is to just take some more time to get to know them. Just be aware that time can be a slut, and screw all things. Keep them at arms length and if they continue to be offensive to your morals, terminate the relationship.
What did you think of Robyn’s advice? Tune in on Friday for Skippy’s advice! Don’t forget to leave your comments below!