Dear Reconsidering Reunions,
Fuck reunions. Especially high school reunions. I mean, how pathetic can we get here? High school was a miserable part of my life, and I say good riddance. Anyone who looks back on high school as the best years of their life, and wants to go back and relive those years, is in a perpetual state of arrested development.
Ah yes, arrested development. I know far too many people in this state, and it is truly a frustrating thing to see. And watch. And be forced to be a part of, if I want to remain friends with said people. To define arrested development (for those of you who think I am referring to the television show): Arrested development is used to define someone who is stuck in a certain mental state, with no change or growth. It is a stale, sad place; and people tend to live in this state when they are afraid to step out of their box, afraid to put themselves out there and go on with their lives.
Why would you pay any amount of money or waste any time on those people from high school? If you are like the rest of the world (i.e. not living under a rock), you have a Facebook page and can get all the pathetic “what are you doing with your life” questions out of the way by messaging each other. And, correct me if I am wrong, but you have probably already kept in touch with the people who you want to keep in touch with. It is really not that difficult these days to stay in touch with people. I think high school reunions should be a thing of the past; part of a time when no one had cell phones, snail mail was still cool, and everyone walked uphill both ways for some reason.
People who go to high school reunions just want to show off; so you are spot-on in thinking “I should go to brag about my career and show off my hot wife.” However, that is really not a good enough reason to go.
If I could use one word to describe high school reunions, it would be “awkward.” Two words? Awkward-ass awkward. These are not your family members. They are not the most important part of your life. They are strangers you happened to take classes with eight hours a day for four years.
OK so, maybe I am being a bit cynical; so I will make it easy on you. Don’t go. Still thinking about going? Don’t. Still thinking you might want to go? FINE. Here are the ONLY good (but not really that good) reasons I could think of why you would want to put yourself through the nightmare of your high school reunion.
- You want to see your ex (the one who broke your heart) who is now ugly, fat and miserable.
- You will be admired by those who told you you would never go anywhere in your life.
- Your best friend will be there and has offered to get you shit faced drunk to get you through the night.
- Your reunion is at a really sweet venue that would be a great place to experience with good food and good drinks.
- You’re Brad Pitt.
- You’re getting a lobotomy the next day.
- Your arch enemy who is less successful than you are will be there.
- You are not Brad Pitt but you went to school with him and he will be there.
- Everyone who goes gets a door prize of $100.
- There is a chance that you can go back in time and re-live high school the way you wanted it be knowing what you know now, like in the movie Peggy Sue Got Married.
In all seriousness, it sounds to me like you are doing well enough without the affirmation of seeing how terribly others did in the last ten years. I say leave high school in the past and move on. A family reunion? Sure! Family is important and always will be. A high school reunion? Nope. High school is just a chapter in your life that shouldn’t define who you are. It was who you were, not who you are now. Why relive the past? Move on, move forward, and enjoy your successes. You’ve earned them.
What did you think about Robyn’s advice? Comment below and check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice.