Dear Gay and Over This Guy,
It looks like you are dealing with a situation that is begging for closure. Closure is something that most people need in order to move forward after any kind of loss; be it death, a failed friendship or ending a romantic relationship. Closure is a part of the human condition for understanding and acceptance. However, I do not think this guy truly needs closure. After only three weeks of dating, you simply accept the break up and move on.
Yeah, it sucks to break off a new relationship so early on. This is the time where you are just beginning the honeymoon phase and everything is so exciting that butterflies fill your stomach every time you think about each other. He was probably floating on cloud nine when you broke the news to him and he came crashing back down to earth. Arrogance can make a person blind, and it sounds like you were dating someone who is as arrogant as they come. Someone who is that arrogant will also want total control and you took that control away from him when you were the one to break things off. He wants the control back, so, the reason he wants to get together and hash things out with you is because he wants the last word.
I have come across this type several times in my life and even dated at least two (maybe three). The constant battle against someone who is “one upping” and ALWAYS has to be right grows old. I am proud of you for getting out after three weeks. My longest was three years. What a waste. Constantly being beat down with an arrogant attitude is a form of abuse. I even dated a guy who would convince himself of small things that he thought were true just to be right. For Example: He was convinced we saw a certain movie together when we never did. He had gone to see it with a friend of his. He tried to talk me into agreeing with him that I had seen the movie. He had to be right and went on and on about how much I liked this movie I had not seen. I still have not seen the movie and refuse to see it to this day because of this pointless argument. He didn’t care about what I had to say nor did he validate the truth. In not validating the truth or what I had to say, he did not value me. The guy you are dealing with does not value you, he only values his very high opinion of himself.
Arrogance is usually only skin deep so I do think there is something else going on with this guy. Usually someone with a “know it all” attitude wears it as a mask to cover up insecurity issues. There is something in his past that has conditioned him to be this way. We could speculate all day as to what that might be but I agree to what you said, you are not his shrink. He will need to come to a self realization on his own to soften his attitude. This will only happen when he is ready and truly wants to change. Right now he had no clue how abrasive he comes across, or, if he does, he simply does not care. That is no way to go through life.
No, you do not owe this guy anything. If you had been dating three years instead of three weeks, then yes, that would warrant a conversation. Skippy and I always say communication is key. People can’t read minds nor would we want them poking around inside our thoughts. At this level in your relationship, if you can even call it a relationship, you really don’t have to communicate. Its over. Done. Kaput.
My advice is to just ignore him at this point. He is seeking attention by trying to get together with you. You didn’t get into a deep relationship with him. You don’t really know him and he doesn’t really know you. He needs to let it go. There couldn’t have been anything too meaningful in a three week relationship that would warrant a dramatic break up scenario. I think he has some sort of delusion about what the two of you really were. If he really pushes you, tell him how he made you feel and if he tries to argue with you (and he will) continue to ignore him. People like that only hear what they want to hear, and it will not be worth your energy to get into any arguments with this guy. You definitely don’t need face to face time, that is a tactic for manipulation. He wants to manipulate you and your feelings toward him. Making him feel like he lost control is the worst thing you can do to his personality type. It’s really not your problem anymore, so don’t worry about it. An e-mail will suffice and is more than enough for such a short lived romance.
He will let things go eventually so try not to over think the situation. Hopefully he will stop and take a look at himself and what he might improve for his future relationships. As for you, welcome back to the dating world! Have fun and continue to be selective. Don’t ever sell yourself short. If you continue to NOT waste your time with inconsiderate pricks, you will find someone worth your energy soon enough. The good ones really are out there, sometimes you just have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
What do you think of Robyn’s advice? Leave your comments below and don’t forget to check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice!