Honestly I think that you have answered your own question and that you are just seeking an affirmation from me and Skippy. You say you have been in a relationship with this guy for two years, and in that time you have not been able to get him to sync up his life path with yours? Wanting children is a MAJOR thing and you know that you want them. He obviously doesn’t. I hate to break it to you, but you are never going to be on the same page or path with this guy. Wanting kids doesn’t just suddenly happen over night, and two years is plenty of time for someone to show you their true colors. You can always do the travel thing with friends or family, but kids? No way. It’s time to move on from this guy.
Let me tell you something that a someone once told me when I was the tender age of 14. This was a neighbor of mine, she was a doctor and she married later in life because she spent her twenties and thirties on her career. She finally settled down and the man she married told her that he “might” want kids. He changed his tune after they were married about a year and told her that he actually did not want kids at all. This was devastating to her but she loved him and agreed to not having kids. She was committed and devoted in her marriage and knew that in order to stay with him she would have to agree. One day she said to me: “If you want kids, never EVER marry someone who says they might want kids.” Your boyfriend isn’t even in the “might” category. He is firmly in the “no” category. If you think that he is not too keen on the idea, then he isn’t. AND it sounds like he doesn’t even want to get married! Listen to your instincts on this one, they are usually never wrong.
Having a lot in common with someone and enjoying each others company is not enough to keep a relationship together when your life goals are so different. I have a question for you, have you talked to him about his life goals? Maybe his life goals are not anything you would want to live with for the rest of your life either. Communicate, communicate, communicate! It is time for the two of you to sit down and have the talk. The life talk. The end -all- be- all talk. Not to sound cynical, but don’t go into this talk with high expectations. I think you know what is coming.
After you have had the talk with him and decided to move on, (because I know you will) it is time for you to start planning some travel in the interim. Life is way too short to sit around waiting for the next best thing. Start planning your summers and grab your mom or a close friend to share these adventures with you. May I suggest England? I studied there for a summer and had the best time of my life. Enrich your life with these things and the right guy will come along when he is supposed to, its all in the timing. I recommend joining a dating website when you are ready. If you are an avid reader of Ask Us Fort Collins, and you read the post about online dating, you will know that I joined one experimentally to see what it was all about. I thought it was great, and what better way to weed out people who don’t want the same things that you do?
Sometimes in life you just have to step back and reevaluate your goals and find your own way to happiness. If you stay with this guy, you will live your life regretting that you chose to sacrifice your goals for someone else. Whatever you do, don’t settle for anyone who can’t journey on the same path with you. It’s time for you to take a detour and continue on down a new path. This will be an exciting time for you so enjoy the journey!
What do you think about Robyn’s advice? Comment below and check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice!