She Says: Make Them Make It Up To You
Dear Dealing with Douchbags,
Let me get this straight, you are in trouble over a couple of wreaths? First of all, why would anyone want to steal wreaths? Were they special wreaths? Were they made of gold? Who steals wreaths? I guess your douchebag friends do, but, I do not think this situation was grounds to un-friend these friends of yours. There must have been more than this incident to declare your friends ex-friends.Can you get the wreaths back from them and just place them back on the door no questions asked? Or did they do something with them to further define their douchbaggery? I admire the fact that you do want to be honest with your neighbors. Did it ever occur to you to tell your neighbors that Christmas is fucking over? Hopefully they were Easter wreaths or Martha Stuart would be rolling over in her grave or, rather, her mansion.
I think its time to examine the facts.
Fact 1: The wreaths were stolen.
This is not your fault. There is nothing you can do about that now.
Fact 2: You were sure none of your friends would do such a thing.
You were wrong. There is nothing you can do about that now.
Fact 3: You are horrifyingly embarrassed.
Why? You didn’t steal the wreaths. There is nothing you can do about that now.
Fact 4: You think your friends should make it up to your neighbors.
I think your friends should return the wreaths with a gift certificate to Perennial Gardner (in downtown Fort Collins) or some place similar and then make it up to YOU. How, do you ask? I think they should aid you in finding a better place to live.
Now, I am just assuming because of lack of details, but, sounds to me like a pretty hoity-toity neighborhood. Based on the fact that you live there, I assume that you have enough money to pay rent for a place you have to be “buzzed into.” Based on that assumption, I bet you have enough money to cover rent elsewhere. Am I wrong? I seriously doubt it.
If you live in Fort Collins, and, again, I am making the assumption that you do, rent in decent apartments is all about the same. My husband and I found ourselves in a situation that required us to move post-haste about two years ago. We looked at just about every apartment complex in Fo Co and found out that there is little difference in price range. We chose where we are living now because of the location and because the layout of the apartment was a good use of space.
If you feel like things can’t be worked out between you and the neighbors, then it is best to just be on your way. There is nothing worse than bad neighbors (which, in this case, is you). You will find yourself in a feud and feuding neighbors are even worse. Your douchebag friends are a different story. You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your neighbors.
How do you make things better? You don’t. Time is the only thing that can make this situation better and it will take a lot of time. If you confess like you are planning to do, you will need to do some leg work and build up a trusting relationship with your neighbors once again. This will be difficult because it sounds like they are not what you would consider “friends” and belong in the “acquaintance” category. In other words, they don’t know you that well. Since you claim this building is full of paranoia, and apparently there is a wreath shortage, you have to ask yourself if it is worth your time. Apartments are temporary anyway. Simply move when your lease is up if you really are that embarrassed. Sounds like a snooty place to me anyway.
Don’t over think this situation and just move on. Whether that means physically moving on, mentally moving on, or dumping your friends. Do what you need to do and trust your instincts. Ask yourselves if it is worth staying in a bad situation for the place you live and the kind of neighbors you have. As for your friends, douchebags will always be a part of life whether you like it or not. Choose your friends more carefully next time.
What did you think about Robyn’s advice this week? Comment below and tune in Friday for Skippy’s advice.
I respectfully disagree. The solution is not to run away from the neighbors – they didn’t do anything wrong. Living in a “hoity” building isn’t wrong, and neither is expecting your things to remain where you put them. Moving to a new apartment seems a bit extreme – and cowardly. If the situation had taken place in a neighborhood and the friends had stolen someone’s lawn ornaments, would it have been any different? Regardless of the seasonal appropriateness of the ornaments, stealing is stealing. When you invite your friends into your building, you are in a way responsible for ensuring that they are going to behave themselves. They didn’t. Never mind the un-friending for a moment, the first step is to apologize to the neighbors, assure them steps will be taken to ensure it never happens again, and present them with some sort of offering – gift certificate, etc. (don’t wait for your friends to buy one – they can reimburse you later). If the friends still have the wreaths, get them back and return them, hopefully in pristine condition. As for the friendship, that’s a personal judgement call based on whether you still like and trust them, but I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them back to any future parties.
Damn Robyn. That was a bit of a bitch slap. You are crowding into my territory. *ha* But you are so right to point out they are not responsible for other people. They are responsible for their choice of friends.