Dear Dating and Doubting,
Am I reading this correctly? The fact that this amazing girl you went out with doesn’t like video games is a deal breaker? Really? I can’t tell you how big my sigh was when I read that, lets just say BIG.
I have a few things to say about video games and relationships before I answer your question properly. I don’t understand this new standard of relationships based on video game culture. When did it start? Should I blame Atari? Nintendo? Sega? Gaming on a Saturday night does not sound like a fun date night to me. In fact, it’s not. I know this to be true. In my early twenties I had a boyfriend who was a gym nut. He was, for lack of a better term, a bodybuilder. Three hours at the gym every day and not a second less. In his spare time he liked to play video games. I would go to his apartment and watch him play video games for hours because after a day at the gym, this is all he wanted to do (well, not all he wanted to do). We never really went out except on two occasions. The relationship, as you may have guessed, didn’t last very long. Where was the romance? The fun? The excitement? There are only so many times I can pretend to be excited on how well he did on Ratchet and Clank.
You might now be thinking “Great, Robyn doesn’t get it because she is against video games.” Don’t think that! I am not against video games, I am against them being a standard for romance. My husband plays them and I do tend to watch him play from time to time. Some of these new games play out like a movie and I am eager to see where the story goes. Do we do this often? No. And I am happy to read my book or work on my blog or whatever else while he plays. They are not banned from our household, nor do I give him a hard time. Though, I am still trying to figure out the appeal of Minecraft.
Now back to your question. You have asked me and my counterpart if you think your expectations are too high. The answer is: No. Your expectations would be high if you only dated women who were doctors, owned Lamborghini’s and only ate sushi for every meal.
I think it is important for everyone to know this: It is OK to have high standards.
Ridiculous standards, no. High standards that are within reason, yes. Video game playing and drinking habits do not fall into this category. In fact, I do not think they should be standards in the first place. What is a reasonable list of higher standards? I am glad you asked!
Resonable standard #1: Religion. It is imperative that you have the same or close to the same religious beliefs. There are two arguments you can have that will never have a winning side. One is religion and the other is…
Reasonable Standard #2: Politics. Sharing the same politics is important because of the same reason religion is important. Or, you can do what my husband and I do and just NEVER discuss them.
Reasonable Standard #3: Family matters. I am not saying you have to figure this out right away, but eventually you both need to have the same thoughts on having kids.
Reasonable Standard #4: Attraction. You have got to be physically attracted to the person in order for anything to go anywhere. I have tried to date someone I wasn’t attracted to. I gave it five (that’s right, five) chances. Be careful that this doesn’t go into the Ridiculous Standard category. Just because her second toe is bigger than her big toe shouldn’t be a deal breaker. Or anything along those lines.
Reasonable Standard #5: Interests. If you and she have 50% to 75% of your interests in common, then this is a good start! Don’t immediately discredit this girl because she has different drinking, video game, and technological interests.
Now to discuss the short-term, long-term part of your question. I think you are very confused about what you want right now. Hell, I was confused just reading about how you want something start out as “short term” but turn “long term” eventually. Isn’t that every relationship? I think the question you need to be asking yourself is if you want just a fuck buddy or a girlfriend. If the answer is a FB then I don’t think you should go on a second date with this girl. If you want a girlfriend, then I really think you have a potential candidate.
I think you need at least two more dates with this girl before you decide how into her you really are. By the third date you should know if you want to take it any further. Before you do anything though, figure out if you are ready for a girlfriend or if you are just out for a good time. Don’t lead the poor girl on, but still give it a chance. You never know, and she may just one day take a liking to playing video games. Maybe not.
What did you think of Robyn’s advice? Comment below and tune in Friday for Skippy’s advice!