Dear Broken Bosom Buddy,
It sounds to me like you have far too much going on in your life to deal with your friend. Having health issues can take a huge toll on your life. Just getting through the day by day grind is tough enough, let alone piling not feeling well on top of everything else. Does your friend understand how sick you are? Does she know that the world doesn’t revolve around her? Does she get that sometimes other people need to take care of themselves before others? Canceling plans is a shitty thing to do but there are exceptions that should evoke an understanding between true friends. It seems to me that you had good reason and weren’t just flaking out. If you had canceled plans to go hang out with someone else or some other lame excuse, then it would be a different story.
I agree with your friend when she says that friendship is a two way street. It can’t be lopsided in order for it to last throughout the years. It can, however, be like a teeter totter. It has its ups and downs and it takes effort to keep it at an even keel. There has to be understanding about what life may throw at you, be it good or bad. The best friends that you will have in your life will be able to see you on your best day and on your worst day and still love you. The worst ones will only accept you on your good days. These friends are not your true friends.
There is a thought that crossed my mind with your question; is your friend going through something that might be causing her to refute your friendship? Maybe she has something she is dealing with and doesn’t want to tell you because you have enough shit to deal with. Maybe she wants to preserve your friendship by bowing out and taking care of herself.
Or maybe she is just being a bad friend.
If you really feel like you should preserve your friendship with her, then I suggest evaluating your friendship. Start with these steps:
- Think back to why you became friends in the first place, how you met and how your relationship developed.
- Now focus on what made your relationship build to becoming a close relationship.
- Figure out the give and take that makes a friendship and how that has effected your life with her as a friend.
- Outweigh the pros and cons of being friends
- Finally, imagine your life without her as your friend. Will your life be better? Worse? Neutral?
You need to think about how much she has contributed to your life and if that has helped you grow as a person. Has she enhanced your life in any way? Has she been there for you before when times were rough? Will she be there for you in the future?
Friendship takes a lot of work. There are some things that I think take precedent over the work it takes to maintain a friendship. There is a time where you need to be selfish in life and when it comes to health, it is one of those times. You need to focus your energy on getting well at the moment, and not stress about your social situation.
You say your friend has been flaky in the past and you just let it go. That is very big of you, especially since it involved your workplace. Recommending someone for a job only to have them flake out takes its toll on your credibility. Not to mention the fact that it is difficult to get a job in the first place anywhere these days. You did something big for her and she totally disregarded your kindness. That is not OK.
It is time for you to take care of yourself and let all the drama go from your life. You need to focus on getting healthy and surrounding yourself with healthy, supportive people. Don’t waste time on something that is bringing such negativity to your life. It may be difficult to grasp, but you really are better off without this friend in your life. Take a deep breath and trudge forward. Who knows? Maybe you will find her again in the future. People change all the time and they will come and go. Let it go. Just let it go.
Check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice. Did you like what Robyn had to say? Let us know in the comments!