Dear Long Ago and Far Away,
Its been 5 years since you have seen this guy and you were only with him a few short months? I don’t know how much the two of you have been in contact or what your life situation may be on both ends. There are many factors to consider before you take the step to committing to a long distance relationship. You need to step back and evaluate where you are in life, where he is in life and where you think this may be going.
First ask yourself this: why didn’t you stay with him and do the long distance thing in the first place? Personally I agree with you on long distance relationships. I think they are a bad idea, at least for the type of person I am. I, admittedly, need a lot of attention and value being close to each other physically. My love language is best expressed when I can touch the person I am in a relationship with. I need that physical comfort in order to feel wanted and loved in a relationship. Only seeing someone on a video chat or just talking on the phone doesn’t cut it for me. To have a successful long distance relationship, you have to be OK with not having that physical aspect of your relationship. The number one thing that will make a long distance relationship work, though, is trust. Trust is important in any relationship, but it is imperative that you trust this guy completely in order to make this work.
If you really and truly believe that you can trust this guy, that you love him enough to give it a go, then start the evaluation process.
You need to evaluate where you are in your life: Where are you financially? Where do you see yourself in ten years? Are you only reevaluating your relationship because of the “what if” factor?
Your finances are a huge contributing factor in order to do a long distance relationship. If you have enough money or are able to save some money in order to buy a plane ticket or gas money to go see this guy then that is a good start. On the other hand, his finances are important as well because he needs to be willing to contribute too. Money is a key aspect of maintaining a long distance relationship. In order to see each other, one or both of you will have to fork over some dough on a regular basis. You might as well be dating a video porn site otherwise. How long do you really think your relationship will last if you can’t see each other at least twice a year? And twice a year should be a MINIMUM to see each other. Make sure you are financially ready to take that step.
Where do you see yourself in ten years? Do your life goals match his life goals? Are you getting back together because you can see yourselves sharing a future together? There is such a thing as a dead end relationship and long distance relationships usually win the dead end award. You won’t be around each other enough to just do the casual thing so you better be ready to commit yourself fully. This means making SURE that he is on the same page as you as far as the future is concerned.
Are you stuck on the “what if” factor? Ah yes, the “what if” factor. I see this all the time. Hell, I’ve experienced it more than I would like to admit. That proverbial question of “what if.” I hate to say it, but I think you have stars in your eyes over this guy because the two of you never moved on from the honeymoon phase. You are asking yourself “what if he never moved away.” In my experience, everything happens for a reason and I believe that he moved away because it was time for the both of you to move on. Five years is a long time to hold on to somebody and, what you remember of him was that perfect specimen that he was in the vision of your honeymoon goggles. In other words, you only know him at his very best in the relationship. You will have to commit to getting to know him at his very worst. Long distance. It will be a challenge, and long distance is challenging enough.
You have to be 110% honest with yourself, no bullshit, no sugar coating. You have to be fully committed to the bad as well as the good that comes from a long distance relationship. You need to make sure that HE is fully committed to making this work as well. This. Will. Not. Be. Easy. Once you acknowledge that, and mentally prepare yourself for the road ahead, then will you be able to make this work. I suggest that you see each other in person once again before you make your final decision.
IF you can take off your honeymoon goggles. IF you are financially stable. IF you have absolute trust. IF you both acknowledge that this will take some work and will be challenging. IF you have the same life goals. IF you both have good communication skills. IF he is willing to contribute as much as you are. IF all the “ifs” are working in your favor, then you will you have a chance to make this work. Good luck!
What did you think of Robyn’s advice? Comment below and check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice!