Life is short. You need to focus your attention on things that are truly important. That means you need to let go of things that don’t matter. It means you need to move on. It means you need to put on your big girl panties. You need to let go of some anger and free up some emotional space in your life.
You need to have a nice big steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up.
Aren’t you happy you’ve got us to point this out to you?
Robyn and Skippy are here to identify some concerns that you can let go of.
1. Fifty Shades of Grey.
Skippy says: No joke folks. It’s time to move on. Is this still a thing? Was it ever a thing? Why was it a thing? Find a boyfriend or girlfriend and get on with your life. Robyn actually watched Fifty Shades of Grey because so many people were getting emotional about it. That’s 3ish hours of her life she will never get back.
Robyn says: Not only should we get over it, but we should also boycott the next two movies. The books happened. They happened and we let them happen. If everyone just stops caring about it, maybe it will go away.
2. Restaurant reviews you don’t agree with.
Robyn says: Shit happens. Restaurants fuck up. Opinion changes. I have been on reviews with Kristin Mastre of Feasting Fort Collins and she is beyond fair and reasonable. So, she has a different opinion than you do? Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and no one should attack someone for that.
Skippy says: When your restaurant does get a review and you don’t like it refrain from sending the reviewer messages that end with “sad puppy face”. You just look like an idiot. Probably because you are an idiot.
3. The train goes through the middle of Fort Collins.
Skippy says: The train was here first. It’s not the train’s fault that people in Fort Collins decided to build the city on both sides of the tracks. It’s also not the train’s fault that the government of Fort Collins spends money on shitty art and laws against smoking instead of building a damn overpass or underpass. Hell with all the road construction in Fort Collins we could have 10 overpasses by now.
Robyn says: I fucking hate that train. It doesn’t make it any better sitting here brooding over it. The train is never going to go away. Telling someone you are late because of the train is a perfectly acceptable excuse for anyone who has lived in Fort Collins for 5 minutes.
4. The Drunken Monkey is called The Drunken Monkey. Illegal Pete’s is called Illegal Pete’s.
Robyn says: Could be worse. It could be called something like Shit House.
Skippy says: A sure sign of First World Problems of Rich White People with Too Much Free Time would be getting your panties bunched up over the name of a business.
5. Parking in Old Town sucks.
Skippy says: Ride a bike or walk. Or take the MAX Transhit Boondoggle that you left-wing liberals are so in love with. There are two damn parking garages in Old Town and I’ve never seem them full. Suck it up!
Robyn says: I am really sick of hearing this one. Just shut up and pay for the garage. It is free the first hour. And, walking never killed anyone so just park further away.
6. Trader Joe’s
Robyn says: I love Trader Joe’s like all the rest of you, but I am not going to take selfies while shopping there or report to FB every time I buy more Cookie Butter. It’s here. We can all breathe a sigh of relief and not go crazy. If they open the liquor store part of TJ then we are all allowed to go nuts. Cheap good wine? YES PLEASE!!!!
Skippy says: What the hell is Trader Joe’s and why should I care? This is some kind of California thing isn’t it?
Skippy says: Enough with the selfies already. Can we go back to the “good old days” when people posted pictures of their food.
Robyn says: Seriously, there are way too many selfies on Facebook, too many BS tweets on twitter etc etc. I am sick of the “look at me, look at me” attitude these days.