I know you think it’s only other people who need Unsolicited Advice but it’s not. It’s you as well. Not only do you need Unsolicited Advice, you need lots of it. Let’s get started.
1. Stop being flaky. Stop wasting other people’s time.
Do what you say you are going to do. Do it when you said you would. Do it how you said you would. Do it to the best of your ability.
When you tell another person you are going to do something he is going to alter his plans, his life, his intentions, his finances and so forth accordingly. When you fail to follow through you have wasted his resources. Be those resources time, money or beer you have wasted them.
If you are not 100% certain and committed to following through on something you say you will do then don’t say you are going to do it. Some people will forgive you for flaking on them. Those are people who live their lives as doormats. People with integrity will not look the other way and give you a second, third and fourth chance.
By the gods and goddesses if you do have to back out of a commitment you have made do not wait until the last moment to inform the involved parties. Let them know you can’t follow through as soon as you decide to flake out. You don’t necessarily owe them an explanation of why you are flaking but you must tell them you can’t (won’t, will not, whatever) follow through.
That way they can remove you from their life.
As they should. ‘Cause this brings us to . . .
2. Eliminate psychic vampires from your life.
If there is anything I will repeat over and over and over until I start to foam at the mouth and fall over backwards it’s the necessity of removing shitty people from your life.
The people you allow in your life will determine how your resources are utilized. The one most valuable resource you have is time. You’ve got so much time on Earth and then you are done. You must always be aware of the opportunity cost for what you are doing and not doing.
The people you spend your time with also determine to a great extent how your life will turn out. Scream and call me names all you like. Fit people hang out with fit people. Drunks hang out with drunks. Fat people hang out with fat people. Rich people hang out with rich people. Poor people hang out with poor people. Wage slaves hang out with wage slaves. Business owner hang out with business owners.
The people you spend the most time with are the people you will become like. They are the people who will influence your world view and either limit or open the possibilities for your life.
This is why my number one advice to people newly unemployed is do not spend your time around other unemployed people.
Talking to a friend of mine recently about someone who flaked on me thirty-seven minutes before we were suppose to meet and cost me money in the process she responded that “people do that to me all the time.” Yet she still associates with these people. If people you associate with flake on you often it’s because you allow them to.
Which brings us to . . .
3. That which you allow is that which will continue.
Why do corporations pay no income taxes? Because you allow it.
Why are United States troops killing people in Afghanistan? Because you allow it.
Why does a TSA agent with an IQ of 76 touch you child’s balls at the airport? Because you allow it.
Why does your boyfriend hit you? Because you allow it.
Why is your girlfriend fucking the CSU football team? Because you allow it.
Why does your boss treat you like shit? Because you allow it.
Why do your clients pay you late? Because you allow it.
Why did Bush & Obama bail out the banking corporations? Because you allow it.
Why do the corporations harvest and sell information about you via social media? Because you allow it.
Why are you poor? Because you allow it.
Why are you stupid? Because you allow it.
Why are you pissed off at me for telling you the truth that all these things happen because you allow them to happen? Because you allow it.
I know you want to play the card. The victim card. The race card. The patriarchy card. The discrimination card. Non-stupid people aren’t going to play card games with you. You have to stop allowing it. That means you have to stop whining and start acting.
Thus we conclude with . . .
4. Show. Don’t tell. If you have to say you are it’s because you aren’t.
If you have to tell people you are ethical it’s because you aren’t. If you are ethical it will be obvious from your actions and how you treat other people. Here is a quick story about the greatness of my insight.
I once went to a networking function called “integrity networking.” As Cohere member Skippy would later point out, “you should probably avoid groups that claim to be ethical right in their title—if they have to overtly say they are ethical, then they probably aren’t.” At the event, everyone had their chance to give an elevator speech, an activity that makes me want to turn to liquid and slide through the floorboards. After I sat through elevator speech Round 2 (in the same meeting), I was handed an application and asked to pay more than a hundred dollars for the privilege of hanging out with Fort Collins’ finest integritarians.
If you have to tell people you are not racist it’s because you are. If you are not racist it will be obvious from your actions and how you treat other people.
If you have to tell people you believe in freedom of speech we all know you support speech restrictions and label any idea different than your ideas “hate speech”.
If you have to tell people you believe in diversity we all know your friends are limited to people with exactly the same world view as yours.
If you have to tell people you aren’t doing it for the money we all know you are doing it for the money.
I don’t have to tell any of you that I’m an asshole who cares about the truth more than I care about your feelings and being you friend. It’s obvious from my behaviour.
Show others who you are and what you believe with your actions. Stop trying to tell people you are who you wish you were but don’t have the integrity to be. You are only fooling the stupid people. And those are the people you should be removing from your life anyway.