Here are 5 things you should know right off the bat:
- There is no way you can force anyone see their mistakes.
- There is no way to make anyone change if they are not ready.
- There is no way to know if issues will improve.
- Time does not necessarily heal all wounds.
- You should never break up with someone on the promise of getting back together.
You ex has been treating you badly for a reason. He is testing you, and you failed the test. He was trying to see how far he could push you and if you would be there for him no matter what. You stood up for yourself instead and this threw him for a loop. People who are in bad situations and who seek sympathy from their bad situations tend to take advantage of said situation. Think about it, you have an excuse to be a dick to people because of a hardship, and people remain your friend because of circumstances. He walked all over you because you were easy. He knows you want to still be with him and figures why would you mess it up? You would keep taking his bull shit OR ELSE. Or else what? Or else breakup city. For good this time. The concept of breaking up “for now” is about as ridiculous as a promise ring. You know what I’m talking about, the ring that you get from a guy that is a promise that you will someday get an engagement ring. What bull shit is that? Sounds completely non-committal and easily broken. Especially since the “promise” ring has about as much value as getting a plastic ring from one of those dispensers at Wal Mart. Come on fellas, just be a man and give her the damn engagement ring.
I hate to break it to you, but you are less of a priority. Especially if you are not his wife, nor his girlfriend. He broke up with you to put his family and himself first. Do you really want to be in that situation with him? You didn’t break up so that he could adjust, you broke up because it was time to break up. If you are in a truly loving, lasting, serious relationship then you stay together with the good and the bad. If you can only be there for each other when times are good, then the relationship was doomed from the start. The “maybe someday” scenario should never be applied to a break up. It puts you both in a state of arrested development. In other words, you cant move on, nor can you grow from one another. You are in the waiting place and no one should ever be stuck in the waiting place because of a romantic relationship. Good for you for standing up for yourself, I am proud of you. I know it probably wasn’t easy, but let me make this very clear to you: you will not get the apology you are looking for. By telling him you don’t want to have contact with him for 30 days, you have made a threat to the situation. He already feels threatened by all the shit that he has to deal with on a daily basis. He is in a fight or flight mode. You have given him an ultimatum by saying you wont talk to him for a month. Ultimatums are never handled well by anyone and they never truly work out because it is a forced situation. You put up your barriers and started a war. The only way to end this war is for you to either put up with him further or come to a compromise. And, as we all know, no one is ever truly happy with a compromise. You cannot win this battle and it is not a war worth fighting. You will never get what you need from him, he will always take advantage of you and use excuses to get what he wants. If it worked for him before, he will do it again. He will not surrender because he believes he has done nothing wrong. Again, you will not get the apology you are looking for.
It is time for you to move on, be the vibrant person you know you can be and find someone who will love you on your best day as well as on your worst day. There is someone else out there who will enhance your life rather than drag you down. Move on and tell yourself that you deserve better. Believe that you deserve better!
What did you think about Robyn’s advice this week? Don’t forget to check back on Friday for this week’s He Says!