For many of you out there it’s too late. My warning two weeks ago to avoid worthless degrees was something you needed to hear four years ago. Or six. Or eight. Or twelve. And $80,000 of debt ago.

But you didn’t get that advice when you needed it. Your parents failed you. The old people around you failed you. The colleges and professors at those colleges lied to you. They made $80,000 from lying to you. A profitable venture is there ever was one.

I’d lie to you for $80,000. No hesitation.  That’s what happens when you are gullible.  People lie to you.

And it’s partially your fault. You can’t expect people who are smarter than you to attempt passing wisdom your way when you spend all your time touching your little toy.

By little toy I mean your cell phone. Not your sex organ.

Now you are all graduated and grown up. You have your diploma in international relations, political science, communications, early childhood education, philosophy, art, nutrition or the Gods and Goddesses help you . . . business.

You waitress or bartender job is pulling in $200 a night on the good nights. But there is only one Friday and one Saturday per week and Valentines Day and Mother’s Day only come around once a year. On the other shifts you are taking home $50 if you are lucky.

The education loans are due and you are finally getting an education.

What have you learned?

• Sending out resumes doesn’t mean getting a job.
• The people who told you your degree was your passport to wealth lied to you.
• Compound interest. That $92,000 you paid for four years of college at CSU is going to cost you more than $92,000.

What are you going to do since it’s too late to avoid a worthless degree and almost six figures of debt?

1. Live with your parents.

Standards are sinking fast in our society. While living in your mother’s basement use to be a sign of inferiority and make you un-dateable there is no longer any shame in living with your parents. I know a strong independent woman who lives in her mom’s basement and still keeps her nose in the air.

Your parents may want rent. Don’t pay them.

Do not give your parents rent money.

Had your parents educated you about the ways of the world, worthless degrees, compound interest and how to earn money (hint: it involves creating value for other people) you would be making money and wouldn’t have to live at home. Their shitty parenting is why you live in the basement. You should not pay them for shitty parenting.

If they didn’t want you living at home after college they would have put some effort into your education.

2. Have no delusions of job loyalty.

Where ever you are currently working know that company will fire you the moment they can save $200 a year by doing so. The time to start looking for another job is as soon as you get a job. If you have a job and are not looking for your next job you are doing it wrong.

You may have heard your grandfather talk about job security. Like the days when women were feminine and a family could live on a single income those days are gone and will not be coming back until after the economic collapse.

And yes the collapse is coming. All empires collapse. The United States is an empire. Obama being half black (he’s also half white – that must really piss you off when I point that out) does not nullify history. When the collapse comes people with worthless degrees who don’t add value to the company will be the first to be laid off. Downsized. Removed. Culled. Whatever you choose to call it.

3. Start teaching yourself a skill which will allow you to work directly for clients.

Customers. Other humans. People with money who want something you can provide.  It might be writing computer code, making websites, being an electrician, plumber or handyman. Whatever it is it must be:

1. In demand.

People have to want it. Not like your degree in English that no one cares about.

2. People must be willing to pay for it and pay enough that you can make a living.

Photography is not a good choice. I am a “photographer” and so is everyone else with a camera these days. Photography doesn’t make money for the majority of people who attempt it as a profession.

3. Something you can teach yourself. You can’t afford more debt.

This is this new thing you may have heard about. It’s called the interwebz. You can find information on the interwebz and learn things for free. The old people who work at colleges don’t want you to know about this ’cause they don’t make money if you learn for free at home.

There is this other place called a library. They have things called books. Ask your grandparents about them. You can read the books and learn things.

4. Such that you can work directly for the client with no employer between you and the client to siphon off a share of the money.

Everything and everyone between you and the person paying you to create value means less money in your pocket. The biggest entities that will fuck you out of your money are employers, government (regulations, taxes and licenses) and your own stupidity (debt, alcoholism, drug use, buying an excessive quantity of shoes, collecting comic books).

5. Involve a minimum of government regulation and licensing.

All the money you give to the government is money that doesn’t pay off your student loans or buy food.

4. Don’t have children.

I know you want someone to love you. I know you think children are cute. What you fail to account for is that children are expensive as fuck. Even with Obama giving you welfare to help raise the child. Having children, especially as a single parent with student loan debt, is the fastest way to poverty.

5. Pay off your debt as soon as you can.

The sooner you are free of the debt that’s the sooner you can start saving up money for the things you want to do in life. Like travel and snort cocaine off the ass of a hooker.

6. Don’t acquire any more debt.

I know you want to travel and snort cocaine off the ass of a hooker. You are going to have to pay off the debt first. You have already gone into debt for a worthless degree and you are unhappy. Going into more debt for a brief vacation from your unhappiness is not a long term strategy.

I know all the steps I’ve outlined here are difficult. But truth is I’m tired of supporting you parasites with my tax money. Those food stamps you receive – I pay for those. It’s time for you worthless degree holding parasites to support yourselves. At the very least restrict your parasitism to your parents who failed you. Leave me out of your food chain.

But wait, there is more . . .

I know you don’t believe me. The old people told you going to college was worth it. The old people can’t possibly be wrong can they?

Can they?

I am 23 years old. I’ve got $60,000 in debt from student loans. I make around $10 an hour working as a cook, and I live off of about $20 a week after I cover rent and other expenses.  Since I graduated, my degree has been pretty much useless. When people see that I have a degree, it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything. Every job that I’ve done, it’s kind of been by personal relation or word of mouth.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/25/working-poor-leandra-martinez_n_5884172.html

For roughly 50 fields, we calculated how much more money a graduate degree would bring and the difference in unemployment rates for those with a post-college degree. These figures were then combined to determine which graduate degrees were the most “useless” — basically, which give you the smallest boost in salary and employment.

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-10-most-useless-graduate-degrees-2015-2?op=1

Using employment projections and wage data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and United States Department of Labor, we’ve compiled this list of college majors you should seriously consider avoiding in 2015:

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/10-worst-college-degrees-to-earn-in-2015/

To calculate ROI for a specific degree, we first determined the overall cost of the degree. We allowed the degree holder four years to graduate. Using data from a recent College Board study, we assigned a figure of $37,343 as an average cost of a four-year public liberal arts degree, and a figure of $121,930 for degrees earned at four-year private colleges. The total cost included tuition, room and board, and books, and did not factor in scholarships or grants. We then determined the median cash compensation over the course of 30 years of typical jobs requiring that degree using Salary.com data. We used current Salary.com figures, but added 4.3% per year to account for inflation and cost of living increases. To determine ROI, we subtracted the cost of the degree from the gains over 30 years, then divided that figure by cost.

http://www.salary.com/8-college-degrees-with-the-worst-return-on-investment/slide/2/