You need to get some perspective on this whole situation. Let’s start with her. One of two things happened here.

Worst case: She’s a total psycho who attracts drama and loves living in emotional turbulence because of the thrill ride she gets from it. So she was in an abusive real-hate-shun-ship. Guess what. She selected that person. It’s not like that abusive person was forced upon her. This tells you what you need to know about her choices in other people. By breaking up with you she did you a favour. Why are you fighting it?

Best case: She’s a wonderful person except for her inability to “give you what you need” in the relationship and she has enough self-awareness to know the two of you are not compatible. Instead of trying and eventually failing and wasting months or years of your life she’s cutting the process short. She’s being as honest and truthful as a person can ever be and doing you a favour. Why are you fighting it?

Oh I know. This love is different. This love is timeless. Oh TIMELESS! No love like this has ever existed before or after or during. The time/space continuum collapsed the first time you gazed into her eyes. Quick, what colour are her eyes? Once you forget her eye colour it’s all downhill from there.

The best way to get over a woman is to cum over a woman.

Have you talked to any girls lately?

Bad News Warning:

“She didn’t feel like she could give me what I needed in the relationship.” In other words, “It’s not you. It’s me.” Oh . . . you fell for that one did you?

It was you. In six months she will be sleeping with some abusive man. Quite likely it will be her ex.

Mostly likely what she felt you couldn’t give her (it was you, not her) is abuse. People in abusive relationships tend to move from one abuser to another. It’s the abuse, drama, attention and emotional fluctuations that they need. Here’s a clue, the ex still sends her text messages and calls her. If she didn’t want the calls she would block his phone number. You can set up filters to send email from specific address to the trash or block emails entirely. She wants him to call and email her.

You keep contacting her because you want to know if she is ok. (Said every stalker ever. I’m sure her ex just wants to know that she is ok as well.) Well she isn’t. She’s a hot mess. You can’t fix other people. Move on. When you move back to Fort Collins and see her in person. Say “Hi.”  You don’t have to ignore her. But don’t be trying to force yourself upon her. Don’t try to renew the deep and endless never before experience love that you once shared. Be polite and go on about your life. Don’t forget the huge favour this woman did for you by dumping you and don’t screw that up.

Under no circumstances have sex with her. Nothing good will come from that.

What you are bringing to this?

You wrote “I have some attachment issues in the sense that I value close companionship very much.”

Her ex has attachment issues as well. So does every stalker ever. Stalkers and psycho ex-boyfriends (and psycho ex-girlfriends) really value close companionship. I’m not saying you are a stalker. I’m saying you are a stalker in training. Her ex justifies his stalking just like you do. “I just want to know if she’s ok.”

You need some more challenges in your life. You know that joke about “My foot hurts so I smashed my hand with a hammer and now my foot don’t hurt no more.” It’s stupid but it works. Instead of moping about over a woman do something challenging.

Like starting a career as a freelance. If you have time to concern yourself with a woman then you have too much money in the bank. You know what keeps most freelancers up at night? Paying the rent. If your biggest concern is a woman then check your trust fund balance and say “thank you” to your parents for letting you live at home.

Another thing you could do to take your mind off this is talking to other girls. If you can still remember being dumped by a girl more than 48 hours after it happened that means you haven’t been dumped enough. Yes, yes, I know. This love was “magic” and you will never find another woman like her. Like what exactly? Like a woman with a history of abusive real-hate-shun-ships who will break up with you? Actually you will find lots of women exactly like this.

What you need to be doing is meeting more girls to increase you chances of finding a girl exactly NOT like this one.

Your homework is to read “Real Men Don’t Apologize” by Jim Belushi. Then go outside and start talking to girls.

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