He Says: Throw ‘Em To The Wolves

Dear Dealing With The Douchebags; This is exactly why I don’t have parties in my place. There’s always some douchebag. Usually somebody you thought was your friend. That’s how they got to your party in the first place. It’s like before the interwebz came along when you assumed that your friends were smart enough to know the difference between their, they’re, and there. Now thanks to an excessive amount of time on Facebook you know that they don’t. Yes, your … Continue reading →

Question of the Week: How Do I Get Out Of The Friend Zone?

Dear Robyn and Skippy, I am a guy who is always in the friend zone.  What is the secret to getting out of the friend zone?  How do I avoid getting there in the first place? Thanks, Forever Friend-zoned   Check back on Wednesday for Robyn’s advice and on Friday for Skippy’s. Do you have any advice for Forever Friend-zoned? Comment below!   … Continue reading →

Lessons Learned The Hard Way: Temptations, Work and Later.

Greeting y’all. Today we are going to look at some lessons I’ve learned. And have to keep learning over and over and over. The hard way. I have a thesis. Humans have to learn things the hard way. It’s build into our DNA. This is why it’s mostly pointless for Robyn and I to write this blog. None of you are going to ever apply our advice to your actions. I tell people “don’t do that.” They do it. It … Continue reading →

Question of The Week: Did Aliens Give Me An Anal Probe?

Dear Robyn and Skippy; Last night I had a nightmare. I dreampt that I was lying in bed in the dark. All of a sudden a bright blue light filled the room and the door opened. Next thing I know I’m being dragged down the hallway. Suddenly I’m lying on a table and these scarey aliens wanted to operate on me. My three friends are trying to convince me that it was real and that the aliens gave me an … Continue reading →

Question of The Week: Ending A Never Ending Relationship

Dear Robyn and Skippy; I’m trying to get out of a relationship but the guy I was seeing will not let go. Thing is that I should have seen this coming but I let my attraction to him run over my sense of self-preservation. We knew each other for 8 years before we dated and have a close circle of friends. Everyone knows everyone. This guy has been in a relationship every moment of his life since he was 15. … Continue reading →

She Says: Rethink Your Standards

Dear Dating and Doubting, Am I reading this correctly? The fact that this amazing girl you went out with doesn’t like video games is a deal breaker? Really? I can’t tell you how big my sigh was when I read that, lets just say BIG. I have a few things to say about video games and relationships before I answer your question properly. I don’t understand this new standard of relationships based on video game culture. When did it start? … Continue reading →

Question Of The Week: I’m Drowning In My Friend’s Problems

Dear Robyn and Skippy; I am the kind of person that is the “go to” for support in my friendships. Any time a friend has a problem, they come to me for my words of wisdom and the fact that I tend to mother them (in a good way, not in a nagging way). I cheer them up and I really do enjoy being helpful, it’s just in my nature. I try to live the philosophy of “do unto others … Continue reading →

She Says: Just Walk Away

Dear Not the Baby Daddy, This is a situation you cannot salvage. That’s right, its time to find a new best friend. The thing I preach the most here on Ask Us Fort Collins is that communication is key. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. He didn’t tell you that they were sleeping  together? My guess is that he was trying to avoid an awkward situation. Hello karma! This came back to bite him in the ass in the worst way possible. Does … Continue reading →

Unsolicited Advice She Says: It Will Be a Bitch Fest

Parking in Old Town. Yes, it is a problem. A pretty big problem, actually. As some of you readers may know, if you have been paying attention and have an excellent memory, I work in Old Town. I can count on at least one customer every day complaining about parking. Usually it’s more than one. I really am sick of hearing about it. There is nothing I can do to help you park except recommend you don’t come to Old … Continue reading →

Robyn and Skippy Say: Why Fort Collins is Great

Happy Friday Fort Collins! Robyn here. Skippy and I decided to brighten your Friday with some shameful boasting of why our town is one of the best places to live in the country. Yes! It’s true! It has been named one of the top cities to inhabit by several national publications! I mean, come on, Fort Collins really is great and here’s why… 1. Beer, Beer and More Beer Robyn: That’s right, we are the Napa Valley of beer! And … Continue reading →

Unsolicited Advice: She Says, Party Like You’re Irish

St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!! I know, I know, by the time you read this, it will have already passed. And it was on a Tuesday this year which is not good for those of us who like to get our whiskey on. Unless you don’t have a job. And if you don’t, what are you doing spending your money on alcohol? Stop it. Get a job. This year has been a good one for me so far. Two of my dear … Continue reading →

He Says: Cutting Cock Is Not Parenting

Dear Circumcision Indecision; This is the cut (get it, cut) version of my reply.  I had to edit for the Ask Us Format.  The uncircumcised version can be found over at Twitter Roach. I’ll start by giving you credit for asking this question. Most of the people around you would never think twice about circumcision and simply do what everybody else is doing. Because of course everybody else is doing it. And if everybody else is doing it it must … Continue reading →

He Says: It’s A “Must Have” Conversation

Dear Gay Boy With A Problem; Ah yes, the friend who longs for more. And in this case the compatibility problems run twice as deep. First thing I’d say to you is be careful of coming to conclusions about other people’s motivations. I don’t doubt you when you say she is overly attached, but are you sure about the part where you claim she wants to have a relationship with you? And by relationship I’m assuming (which is always a … Continue reading →

He Says: Negotiate Now or Cry Later

Dear Distressed Over A Dickhead; Living with another person presents challenges. And by challenges I mean reasons you want to smack that other person upside the head with a two-by-four. In this case your roomie’s idiot boyfriend is a good enough reason to make even the most patient person take a trip to the lumber yard. Here’s the bad news right up front. You may be looking for a new roommate or a new place to live or both really … Continue reading →

Unsolicited Advice: Children + Restaurants = Bad Parent. Bad!

So you want to go out to eat do you?  At a restaurant I mean.  Not that kind of eating out. For Those Of You Who Don’t Have Children. There will always be bad parents who take misbehaving children into public places. Especially restaurants. There’s nothing you can do about parents being inconsiderate of others but you can minimize the chances of your exposure. Some restaurants are more “kid friendly” than other restaurants. Kid friendly means adult hostile. Indicators that … Continue reading →