Dear On a Break But Not Broken;

What does a “break” mean? Being on a break means things are not going so well. Being on a break means things have to change. Being on a break means things are going to change. Like it or not, change is paying you a visit.

There are a host of different possibilities and options however of all the options I think the two most likely ones are:

The two of you are spending too much time together

or

he thinks he’s over you and wants to find out for sure.

Two Much Time Together

I know some couples think they should do everything together. For some couples that even works. Being in constant contact with each other is the best thing in the world for them.

But let’s talk about normal people. Normal people, regardless of how in love they are, need some time apart. If your boyfriend is wanting a break maybe the two of you are spending too much time together.

Are you spending too much time together?

Balance is important. If you want to be in a relationship with somebody you have to spend time together otherwise it’s not much of a relationship and what would be the point. You also have to spend time apart so that each of you can work on developing yourself as an individual.

There is no such thing as a forest. There are only trees. The same can be said of relationships. There is no such thing as a relationship, there are only individuals in a relationship. And you need your time apart from each other to develop the individual so that you can bring the individual to the relationship.

Does this sound like what’s happening with you? Are the two of you spending too damn much time together?

If so, and if you want to save the relationship, look for opportunities to do meaningful things apart and look for opportunities to do meaningful things together and balance the two. Except that your are already on a break and therefore apparently you’re already doing meaningful things apart.

Maybe that means . . .

He Thinks He’s Over You

The other possibility is that he has a strong suspicion he’s over you and wants to find out for sure. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If he were certain he’s over you he would just break up with you (providing that he has the balls necessary to do so) and not hang on to a dead relationship.

If he wants a break but not official end that could mean he is unsure if he’s over you. The break is his way of figuring out which way it is for sure.

It could also mean he’s too much of a pussy to out and out dump your ass.

Although I notice I’m making it sound like only he has the power to end the relationship. He does not of course. During this break you may also recognize that you are ready to move on and you could be the person to officially end the relationship.

On the other hand this break may swing his uncertainty to the conclusion that he does not want to move on. Likewise it might swing your uncertainty in the same direction.

What does Skippy think about the idea of a break? And what now?

I am all in favour of taking some time away from the person you’re in a relationship with to evaluate your status and have time yourself. In a healthy relationship this isn’t something you do as a one time official act but is instead something you do on a regular and ongoing basis by not being together all the time and having a mixture of interests that the two of you share and interests which each of you has to yourself.

In that sense of a break I’m all for it. However when you allow things to escalate to the point where one person in the relationship declares a need for an official extended period of “break” then something is going wrong and you damn well better figure out what it is.

If you want to keep the existing relationship you need to figure out what it is and fix this so the relationship can continue.

If you decide you want the existing relationship to end you should still figure out what the problem is so that you can take that awareness into your next relationship and prevent the same thing from happening again.

Your boyfriend’s request for a break is an indicator that something is wrong. It may or may not be the end of the relationship. Furthermore you might want to try the radical concept of talking to him and asking for details about why he feels the need for a break. Considering you women can’t shut the fuck up about how great your communication skills are this could be a great opportunity for you to provide some evidence to back up that hot air.