Dear Single Girl Seeking Stellar Guy,

When you asked this question, I had no experience with online dating sites.  I did, however, used to play online pool (oh, about 9 years ago) and would mingle with guys there.  We would chat online and then, if we were getting along, we would give each other our e-mails and eventually exchange phone numbers.  Not the greatest way to meet someone.  Only once did I meet someone in person, and he was totally different from how he was online.  Similar to a match site, but not the same because I was the one doing all the work.

I decided to do a little experiment.  With my husband’s blessing, I would  join a dating website to do a little research.  I would do the 7 day free trial and make my profile as honest as possible… well… except for the fact that I am already married.  I would not talk to anyone I was matched with so that there would be no leading anyone on and would not purchase a full membership.

I went to the website that popped into my head first, Match.com.  This site immediately asks for your credit card information in order to do the free trial.  NOPE.  I had no intention of giving anyone my credit card number so I moved on to eHarmony.  Now we’re talkin’.  I didn’t have to give my credit card and got started straight away with the personality test.

 

Have you ever applied online for a job?  This is what it felt like taking the personality test.  A lot of no- brainer questions popped up.  Questions like:  Do you consider yourself an angry person?  Are you aggressive?  Controlling?  Nice?  Do you do things for others?  Are you skilled at taking on challenges?  Do you like movies?  Etc, etc, etc.  Really?  That’s all you have to answer?  Why don’t they have questions like:  Are you a serial killer?  Have you ever been accused of rape?  Did you light your toys on fire when you were a kid?  My favorite one, hands down, was when I was asked if I think I am attractive.  Hmmmmm.

These questions are basic, and I get that.  It makes for a good starting point and you don’t have to answer in absolutes.  But, honestly, how honest do you think people are?  We hope they would be, but an “angry” person is not going to sell himself as such.  Why would he?  Who wants to date an angry person?

So you get through the basic questions and you find yourself having to sell yourself in essay form.  What are you passionate about?  Who has influenced your life?  Then the short answer questions such as: What was the last book you read and enjoyed?

It’s really not difficult nor intimidating to answer these questions.  Just be honest.  I think the most difficult part is picking a photograph of yourself.  Yes, you want it to be honest yet flattering.  Don’t put a picture of yourself in high school when you were a size 2 if you are now a size 8.  You will regret it once you do meet whomever you have chosen.

Immediately, I got matched.  Wow!  5 guys that are compatible with me!  Here is where it should be more intimidating, but it’s not,  eHarmony has stock questions you can send to these fellows that you are matched with.  You can ask how they are at parties or what their ideal romantic evening would be like and they answer in multiple choice form.  Brilliant!  So easy!  Then you can figure out from how they answer if you want to converse further.  Or you can just send them a smiley face. Or nothing.  No one is offended, no hurt feelings just move on to the next guy in line.

Online dating?  I say go for it!  What have you got to lose?  The advice I have, from my perspective, is to be honest, but don’t expect everyone else to be honest.  Don’t be frustrated if you can’t find someone right away and don’t rush into anything too quickly.

My best friend, Kate, did the online dating thing and I asked her to give me an idea of her experience.  She went all out, did the whole 9 yards and hit a home run.  Here is what she wrote for me, and you.

“3 years ago my boyfriend found me on Match.com. He was the 2nd (out of 8) guys I met on the site. Now, we’re living together with an adorable dog and planning our future. So, of course, when asked what I think about online dating, my response is an emphatic “do it” but do it in a safe way.”

Here is a survival guide from Kate to get you started:

–Pay to join a site. You want the guys you meet to be serious about finding a relationship.  Don’t purchase more than a 3-month subscription.  If you don’t find the right person, wait a few months and rejoin.

–Treat your profile like a job application: highlight your best traits, don’t lie, have a friend proofread, put some time and thought into it.  Read the profiles of your “competition” and make yours better.

–You will be overwhelmed.  Give all the guys a chance. Be nice in your response, even if it’s a “no.”  Suggest meeting after you send him 5-8 emails, no more.

–On the first date, pay for yourself.  Tell a friend who you are meeting and where.  Check-in with them when you are home.  Plan an activity in a public place lasting about an hour.  If it’s going well, you can keep the ball rolling.  If not, shake his hand, say “it was nice meeting you,” and leave.  Do not feel obligated to exchange phone numbers or plan another date.

“Once you find someone worthy of a second date, you’re in normal dating territory. Have fun and good luck!”

 

 

Online dating seems to be the best way to meet people who are serious about getting into a relationship.  If I weren’t married, I would be joining the online dating community myself.  It seems safe and reliable and a hell of a lot better than trying to meet someone decent in a bar.  Just be safe, smart and, above all things, make sure you are having a good time!

What do you think about Robyn’s advice?  Have you had experience with online dating?  Don’t forget to check back Friday to see what Skippy has to say about online dating!