Let’s cut right to the chase. Bad parenting is ultimately a result of the inability to understand that children are people not objects.
Bad parenting arises from selfishness and narcissism.
There are men who marry younger beautiful women not because they love these women or because they’re looking for a romantic partnership with these women but because the men use these women to show off. We call these trophy wives. The woman is an object by which a man elevates his status and proves himself to society.
Many women have children for the very same reason. I exclude men from this statement only because men are biologically incapable of giving birth. This is not to say there isn’t bad parenting on the part of men. There is lots of that. It’s simply that short of adoption it’s difficult for men have children without a woman being involved.
Why does a mother take her children to a bar and let them run amok while she gets drunk? Because she gave birth to those children out of her desire to prove to everyone around her that she can have a PhD, a six-figure job, a BMW, a two-story house, and children. She is selfish, narcissistic and woman. Her her roar.
By and large children are treated as objects.
- Objects for which the parents must find a babysitter as soon as possible.
- Objects which the parents have to get into government schools as soon as possible.
- Objects for which activities must be planned so they don’t have to be at home alone while the parents are at work.
- Objects which must show no signs of creativity and personality else they will be put on drugs so they sit in the corner drooling quietly and don’t interfere with the parents watching Orange Is The New Black.
Children are objects which are wound up and sent into the world to accomplish things only so that the parents can brag about those accomplishments. “My child is an honour student” bumper stickers epitomize this. In this particular story the iPhone photo says it all. The mother interacted with her children long enough to take a picture which she probably posted on Facebook so that all of her “friends” could see how cute and adorable her children are. Her children. Her property. Her accomplishment. Her ego.
The only thing which might be worse than trophy children is what I call retirement children. Ever had someone tell you she had kids “Because I want somebody to take care of me in my old age.” It must be wonderful to know that your parents only brought you into the world so that you would take care of them when they get old.
You doubt me when I claim you view children as objects?
Scenario One: A man is in a jewellery store with his wife. The wife is expressing her desire to have a particular necklace. The man is telling her she can’t have it. She reaches out to touch the necklace and the man slaps her hand, slaps her on the ass and then drags her out of the store.
At this point every feminist on the planet explodes in a fit of rage.
Scenario Two: A woman is in the toy store with her child. The child is expressing his desire to have a particular toy. The woman is telling the child he can’t have it. The child reaches out to touch the toy and the mother slaps the child’s hand, slaps the child on the ass and then drags him out of the store.
She is applauded by feminist and non-feminist, by men and women alike for being a wonderful parent.
Men using violence against women is not acceptable. Because women are people. Parents using violence against children is perfectly acceptable. Why? Our society views children as the property of the parents. As objects. Not as people.
Children exist to satisfy their parents egos. When not needed – as in the example Robyn and I witnessed – the children can safely be ignored. Until you need a photo to post on Facebook.
Try communicating with somebody who is a bad parent sometime. Tell him or her that:
- Children are people not objects.
- They should pay more attention to their children and stop sloughing their children off on babysitters.
- They should supervise their children in public.
- They should interact with and play with their children.
- They should use reason and negotiation to deal with their children as opposed to physical punishment.
- They should take an active role in their child’s education instead of shipping them off to some school where there taught nothing by people who don’t care about them.
Upon hearing any or all of these statements bad parents will immediately accuse you of hating children.
How does all of this relate to the mother letting her two daughters run wild in the bar? She was clearly not prepared to supervise her children while they were in a public place. She was clearly not prepared to interact with her children. She could have had a drink or two and played with her daughters in the toy & game section of the bar. Instead she boozed outside with the adults while the daughters were left to their own devices.
Why would you take your children to a bar where you are going to drink with your friends? Your dog, sure. Give it a pan of water and tie it to the fence. But your kids?
She was not even prepared or willing to dump her kids off on a babysitter. Her priority was to drink alcohol while her children negotiated an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strangers.
She had those children as trophies. To gratify her ego. To elevate her social status. Or maybe one of the other reasons people have had children.
- “My friends all have children.”
- “I failed as a football player / doctor / engineer and I want my child to succeed in my place.”
- “Babies are cute.”
- “If I have a baby the married man I’m having sex with will divorce his wife and marry me.”
- “If we have a baby all the problems in our marriage will vanish and we will love each other.”
- “I need somebody to provide for me in my old age.”
- “I could have gotten an abortion but the new season of Breaking Bad was out so I didn’t have time.”
- “It was an accident.” (An accident? What? You tripped and fell and landed on a man’s cock? Ever heard of birth control?)
- “I have a right to have children.”
- “I’ll get an increase in my welfare payments and food stamps.”
- “God wants us to have children. Birth control is a sin.”
- “I couldn’t afford birth control because my cable TV bill is so high.”
None of these are legitimate reasons to have children. There is only one legitimate reason to have a child. You are willing to spend 18 years of your life setting aside your ego, your boozing and your TV habits to spend that time transforming a child from a helpless baby into a productive, a responsible, a mentally & physically healthy human being.
Bad parents, you’ve got homework.
Read: NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children
Read: Your Kids Are Your Own Fault: A Guide For Raising Responsible, Productive Adults