Dear Robyn and Skippy;
Here is what my love life currently looks like: Awkward small talk, lust, sex, sex, sex, small talk, some more sex. Dry spell. Repeat.
This is how I one day envision my love life: Commitment, trust, honesty, LOOOOOOOVE, sex (lots of sex), marriage, maybe babies.
You’ll notice distinct differences, and some areas that are not so different. Here is the thing, I don’t think what I am doing is wrong. I don’t feel the guilt, shame, depression, or any of those things people say you will feel if you just casual have sex. Its not wrong! Its gratifying, joyful, and a great way to kill some time. I usually have one partner for a month or two, before life becomes complicated and we naturally move apart. I always use protection, and I know my partners well in the friendship lite variety. I don’t sleep with everyone I meet, and I stick to my standards (though lust has a way of shifting them.) I’ve met some great people, had some great times, and made a lot of friends.
I’m drawn towards the casual, because in all honesty, I just haven’t met anyone that really meets my standards AND pulls on my passionate lust strings. I think I’m a catch, but a girl has certain needs. Also, let me be honest with myself, commitment is terrifying to me. I’ll admit it. Love opens you up to a world of pain that casual sex can’t even fathom. I would much rather rush into sex, than a committed relationship.
However, like anything, the coin has two sides. Casual sex also means casual emotions, for me. Though I do feel like sex is an expression of intimacy, I am definitely not as attached or connected to my partners as much as would be needed to have a relationship. Its not an intimacy of emotion or sharing after all, just the expression of it through the physical means. I may even go so far as to say, I look for people I can be casual with in order to forgo any emotional intimacy. I build strong walls.
Basically, I feel like I’m setting up bad habits. Someday, I am going to want a strong connection of love, and I’m afraid I just won’t know where to start after all the casual expressions of love; I won’t know how to be intimate. I’m starting to worry those walls may become permanent, since they seem to be getting a lot of the energy I could put towards building something more permanent in my life.
What do you think? Do you think I’m dooming myself even though I’m enjoying what I’m doing? That I won’t even be able to SEE a good man if he comes my way, adrift as I am in all the mediocre? Does rushing into sex too soon hurt the chances of making a mental connection, or is all that “WAITING” stuff purely propaganda? Does emotional intimacy need to come before physical? Does taking the easy road mean I won’t be ready for the hard road? Like I said, as far as saying no and building the real deal, I don’t even know where to start!
At a Crossroads
Read Robyn’s response here: She Says: You Won’t Go Blind
Read Skippy’s response here: He Says: Time To Choose Your Destination
But for now leave your comments below. What do you think?