Dear Friendship on the Fritz,
What a dick. I don’t care who you are or what the situation is, unless someone is dying or some other such good excuse, you keep your plans. One of my worst pet peeves is when someone changes plans on me. It’s frustrating, its rude, and it can be down right inconvenient. The fact that he has done this throughout the years is even more of a dick move. However, you have also allowed him to get away with this behavior. He never knew that this was wrong because you have always accepted this as a norm in your friendship. So he decided to behave this way once again, he got on your last nerve and you lashed out. He doesn’t know what to think, and doesn’t know how to approach you on the subject. And, like any male with an ounce (or more) of an ego, he probably thinks you have romantic feelings for him.
In other words he doesn’t know that he has done anything wrong. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS WRONG.
The ONE thing Skippy and I always emphasize is the fact that everyone in every relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, needs to COMMUNICATE. Talk. Converse. Exchange information. It really is simple.
My guess is that there is something about this friend of yours that made you afraid to talk to him about his behavior. The next step in your friendship is figuring out how to communicate your needs to him. We also have a gender problem here. Men and women communicate differently. I am not being sexist, this is just a fact.
That being said, what is with people who drop their lives for a new relationship? I understand the excitement and honeymoon phase that comes with a new relationship, but come on! No one is more important than the people who have been there for you in your life. They are the ones you don’t want to piss off.
So your best friend has communication problems. This is obvious because of the fact that he wont speak to you now that you have shown him your true feelings on being ditched. There is something you need to know, and it is going to hurt: he will never put you first. He will always put whatever woman who has his heart (or his dick) first. Now, there is a point where this is OK. When you are in a long term relationship and/or married then, yes, your spouse should come first. But not where plans are concerned (unless of course the exception of an emergency). You two planned on having an evening together, and he didn’t have a good excuse. Just the latest pussy to distract him? Fuck that. I do have to give him credit for being honest with you, though. Not much credit, mind you, but some.
You friendship has reached a turning point. This happens. People change, or they don’t. Sometimes you change together, sometimes you change apart and sometimes you just have to accept this and move on. Or don’t.
Here is what I want you to do the next time you see your friend. I want you to walk up to him and slap him in the face. Give him a good whack, he has been getting away with his behavior for far too long. Too extreme? OK, don’t do that. I am kidding (mostly). What I do want you to do is lay it all out for him, and don’t hold back. You have already opened up a can of worms so you might as well keep it going. If he is your true friend, if he loves you, if he cares about you, it will be an eye opening moment and will make your friendship better.
If not…. well, I am sure you have other friends who deserve the “best” title.
One last thing: I am glad you finally stood up for yourself. It’s about time. Don’t ever let yourself get walked all over again. And don’t let anyone tell you you are just being “bitchy” or some other such nonsense. You deserve not to be taken for granted.
This confrontation was bound to happen eventually and it has come to a head. Be brave, be strong and know that your feelings are valid. It is up to him now to validate your feelings and truly remain your best friend.
What did you think about Robyn’s advice? Comment below and be sure to check back on Friday for Skippy’s advice.