Dear Waiting Awkwardly,
Cass sounds like a real pain in the ass. Pun intended. But, seriously, friendship can be a very complicated thing. This is a problem years in the making. It makes me question if Cass is even capable of being a “dear friend.” There is a fine line between friendship, acquaintanceship and merely tolerance. Do you have a true friend in Cass? This learned behavior of hers is something that cannot be changed, or at least not easily. There is no doubt that she is a manipulator of the worst kind. She doesn’t want to change, and she was overly emotional when you gently tried to fix the problem. There are three things that you can always count on in life:
1. Politicians are corrupt.
2. History repeats itself.
3. No one is ever truly happy in a compromise.
The only way find anything close to a resolution, is to present Cass with a compromise. Neither one of you will be completely happy, but it may be a start to a resolution. History may repeat itself and you might be faced with her anger again. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Politicians are a problem for another day.
Before I answer your question to a possible resolution, let’s first explore the definition of a “friend.”
A friend is defined as:
1. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.
2. A person who is attached to another by feelings of personal regard.
3. A person whom one trusts.
A friend is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.
“Mutual” is the key word here. It sounds to me like Cass is only on her own agenda. Her brain doesn’t function on mutual anything. You have to ask yourself if the affection you feel for one another is truly mutual. Does Cass regard your friendship affectionately? Is this what you mean when you refer to her as being a “dear” friend? I am a firm believer that there are several different kinds of love out there in this wide world of ours. Is there a love here that is worth saving? You are bonded by the years but maybe that is all. Just because this is someone who has been in your life for many years, doesn’t mean you have to remain their friend. This is the first question you have to ask yourself before you take the next step to work on your relationship with Cass.
A friend is a person who is attached to another by feelings of personal regard.
If an interviewer called and asked you for a personal reference for your friend Cass, would you be able to recommend her for the job? In good conscience would she be a good candidate for any job? Think of your friendship as a job. It’s something you have to work on and work hard at in order to raise it to the position of true friend. Every relationship is that way. If Cass is willing to take your personal feelings to heart and work on them and not react in an irrational way, then your friendship is worth saving.
A friend is a person whom one trusts.
If you were in jail, could you count on Cass to come bail you out? If you had a deep dark secret, would you be able to tell Cass without hesitation? If you had “one too many,” would Cass be there to hold your hair back? The foundation for any relationship is trust. If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you need to re-evaluate your entire relationship with Cass.
Now for the hard truth.
CASS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. The solution is to cut this woman out of your life, or let yourself be manipulated further. I don’t know what planet she lives on but it is not this one. The world revolves around her and be damned anyone else and their feelings. I have encountered many people like Cass in my life, including a close relative. She will always make you feel inferior to her. You have let this get out of control for far too long. No more excuses for yourself or for her. “Interesting” can only last so long. If you want to present her with a compromise, fine, it’s your funeral. Put on your helmet and be prepared to enter frenemy territory. If you TRULY feel like this is a friendship worth saving, let Cass know that you will never go to any event with her that requires attendance in a timely manner. Be blunt about it or else it may go flying over her flippant head. Sometimes we just have to cut people out of our lives, even if they are our own flesh and blood. Cut the crap and move on with your life. There are better people out there who will give you the respect and friendship you deserve.