Dear Not The Baby Daddy;
I’m not sure I know what the problem is here. Granted you need to have sex with another girl and find a new girlfriend. Otherwise . . . how does this involve you?
You broke up with her. She’s fair game for other men now. Other men are fair game for her.
You still have feelings for her. That’s not her problem. That’s not your friend’s problem. That’s your problem and it’s something you can fix.
You were dating her for a reason. There were lots of good times and I’m sure you are thinking of those. You broke up with her for a reason. There were bad times and things she did you couldn’t abide by. Focus your thoughts on those, not the good things. It will help you get over her. Don’t do this to the point of obsession. Simply do it when you start thinking about how wonderful she was. If she is so wonderful why did you break up with her? Exactly.
She’s pregnant. A whole new topic which I’ll save for a day I want to crash the servers.
Your best friend is the father of the baby. At least that’s the word on the street. Until paternity testing is done nobody actually knows who the father is.
Your best friend and your ex-girlfriend were (are? will be?) having sex. Not sure how this involves you. You own neither of them nor do they need your permission to Paint The A.
Did you expect your ex-girlfriend to live in celibacy for rest of her life? She’s going to have sex with somebody.
If this guy is your best friend he was probably around you and your girlfriend quite often. If your best friend is even reasonably attractive and if your girlfriend is even reasonably attractive both of them at least considered the possibility of fucking each other. The fact they started having sex after your breakup should not be a surprise.
This is a perfectly natural thing to do and if I were in your best friend’s place and your girlfriend is attractive I’d be doing exactly the same thing. Except for the getting her pregnant part.
To Friend or Not To Friend
How do you keep being friends with him? By recognizing that you have no claims to regulate and control the people your ex-girlfriend and your best friend have sex with. Even when it’s each other.
Was there any agreement made between you and your best friend that he would not boink your ex-girlfriend? In the absence of such an agreement in what way has be betrayed or mistreated you?
Are they going to have a relationship? Maybe so. Not your concern. They are adults. They get to do that if they so desire. Maybe they’re just doing the bump and grind because they’ve wanted to do the bump and grind for so long and now they’re getting it out of their system.
Keeping or Terminating a Friendship
Is this guy really your best friend? Have you been through the good times and the bad times together? Have you always backed each other up and taking care of each other? Is he a valuable asset to your life who pushes you to achieve greatness and do you do the same for him? If so then do you want to terminate a friendship this valuable over a girl?
If he is only your best friend in the sense of Facebook friends, if he’s just that person you hang out with on a fairly regular basis because you haven’t made the effort to make new friends, and if the fact that he and your ex-girlfriend had sex bothers you that much then it’s not entirely unreasonable for you to say “I don’t want to deal with this” and walk away from the situation.
I hesitate to make a solid recommendation on which way you should go simply because I lack sufficient information. Before you make a decision have an honest conversation with yourself to figure out exactly what about the situation is bothering you and why.
Friendships Need Standards
While you’re having this conversation take some time to evaluate the standards you have for a best friend. If you don’t have standards for a best friend it’s time to make some. When I say “standards for a best friend” I don’t simply mean standards the other person should have in order to be your best friend. I also mean the standards you should have your self in order to be that person’s best friend.
I know I make it sound like you must have a written contract to be friends with somebody that specifies all the do’s and don’ts in lawyeresk detail. I don’t mean for you to go that far. If you’re going to expect a standard of behaviour from another person the other person has to be aware of what that standard of behaviour is. You cannot hold other people accountable for following rules if you have not articulated those rules.