Dear Gay and Over This Guy;
It’s pretty obvious this guy doesn’t know it all. I can say that with confidence because I’m a know-it-all. One aspect of being a know-it-all is knowing when to turn off your know-it-allism. Unlike in my case it sounds like this guy lacks that skill.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about you.
You are absolutely correct in your assessment of this situation. You don’t owe him an explanation. Especially after only three weeks of dating. Assuming that each of you have a job of some sort, and assuming each of you spends time sleeping, and assuming each of you has at least one interest outside of dating other people . . . I don’t know how much time you can possibly spend together in three weeks. Certainly not enough time for you to owe him a deep metaphysical discussion about what went wrong.
Three weeks worth of dating is just about the right amount of time to figure out if you want to keep dating somebody or not. Nothing more. In your case it’s a big fat not.
Your actual question here is “what should I do?” You state that he won’t let it go. Now maybe this is because I know everything. Or maybe this is because I’m a total asshole. Maybe this is because I don’t put up with bullshit unless I’m being paid. But I’m a bit confused about the logistics of “he won’t let it go.”
From this statement I am assuming (and we all know what assuming does) that he is continuing to ask you to explain to him why you don’t want to date him anymore.
Here comes the part where I ask you what are you contributing to this problem?
If you don’t like this guy, and unless you either live or work with this guy why the hell is he communicating with you? I’m truly confused about this.
It’s not that hard to ignore people. Especially in the year 2014 where most communication takes place via digital devices. There are people I ignore. There are lots of people who ignore me. It’s not that hard. Get it? Hard.
Better Than You Found ‘Em
Let me throw an alternative thought at you. I’ll be the first to tell you that following through on this will be difficult. You could sit down with this guy and attempt to have a conversation. I say attempt because if he is in fact a want-to-be know-it-all who can’t stop talking you might not be able to get a word in edgewise. You could tell him that you would be happy to give him an explanation. And the explanation has conditions.
Those conditions are (modify as needed):
- He meets you in a nice quiet public place.
- He buys you a coffee or beer or whatever you want to drink.
- He doesn’t talk at all for the first 20 minutes. I think 20 minutes should be sufficient enough for you to spend on this project because you have other things to do with your life.
- When the 20 minutes is up you will listen to him talk for 20 minutes during which you will not talk. I think 20 minutes sufficient.
- At the end of this 40 minute time span the two of you will go your separate ways and he will stop stalking you.
Why would I suggest this? It’s not because I want the two of you to get back together. I don’t. But the simple fact is this guy (just like most of the people I encounter in my day-to-day life) may completely lack self-awareness. And by “may completely lack self-awareness” I mean he lacks self-awareness. We know this because during the dating process he didn’t care what you had to say about anything. He made you feel stupid and he didn’t listen to you.
Fact is somebody this lacking of self-awareness probably doesn’t have the self-awareness to know that he lacks self-awareness. You should tell him this. Not because you expect him to change for you and so the two of you can start dating again. You should tell him this for the benefit of the next person he dates. And everyone else for that matter.
A rule that I like to follow when it comes to dating is always leave people better than you found them. Breaking up with somebody should not be an act of vengeance. It should not be a situation in which you want the other person to suffer or be bitter. It should be a situation in which you admit to each other that for whatever reasons you are not romantically compatible. You go your separate ways wishing each other success in future endeavours.