There are many reasons to hate the holidays. Let me count them.
1. Atheists Who Want Presents.
This is going to hurt your feelings. And you know how much I care about your feelings. I case “this much” about your feelings.
Every time Christmas comes around I have to listen to atheists whining about religions people trying to “put the Christ in Christmas” and how terrible this is. News flash. Christmas is a holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus.
Yes I know Jesus wasn’t born on December whenever. (I don’t even know what day Christmas is. How’s that for bah humbug?) I know the date of Christmas was a pagan holiday that was co-opted to make Christianity more palatable to the pagans. (Or at least that’s an often repeated rumour which I can not enough about to confirm or deny.)
Look assholes. It’s a religious holiday. Like Easter. Like Hanukkah. Not like Kwanzaa which is a made up holiday about political correctness.
If you aren’t religious stop celebrating a religious holiday because you want free stuff. Take your paid days off, enjoy yourself, but stop trying to ride the bandwagon. You are the people I hate more than the Christians.
It cracks me up how militant you hardcore atheists can be. Even Bill Maher, an idiot of a liberal if there ever was one, made fun of you.
“Even atheists make me roll my eyes sometimes. Like when they sued to have a cross taken down from a building. Oh for fucks sake, we are atheists not vampires. If you can’t handle seeing a cross now and then, you picked the wrong country.” –Bill Maher
But as soon as presents are involved you’re all in.
Speaking of all in . . .
Dumb people (aka the 99%) don’t know consumerism from capitalism and I don’t have time to explain it today but you people have got to stop spending more money than you make. I don’t care if it was on sale. You didn’t “save money”. You spent money. You can’t save money on stuff you don’t need by spending money on stuff you don’t need.
Speaking of stuff you don’t need . . .
I don’t have cable TV. Don’t watch commercial TV. Block ads on the interwebz. Don’t listen to the radio. ‘Cause I can’t stand advertising. Still I can’t block in all out when I’m on the interwebz looking for cat pictures and porn. Plus the few companies which I do get advertising emails from go crazy this time of year.
- Black Friday.
- Cyber Monday.
- Suck Yourself Into Debt Sunday.
- Blue Tuesday.
- Two Girls, One Cup Hump Day
- Thirsty Thursday.
- So Fat From Eating Too Much Fast Food While Ordering Shit I Don’t Need On Amazon Saturday.
It never ends.
Speaking of things that go on and on and on . . .
4. Elf Videos.
Those stupid animated videos where people send in photos of them and their family or co-workers and the faces of real people are digitally added to the bodies of singing & dancing elves. If you have the same dentist I have I know you know what I’m talking about. They play that damn thing in the waiting room every year.
Watch this video and try to tell me you enjoyed this.
Speaking of things that burn the senses . . .
5. Christmas Music.
It’s all either inane or offensive. Oddly enough the Social Justice Warriors who shit themselves over girls being killed in video games don’t notice Rudolph being discriminated against and made fun of. Where are the anti-bullying idiots at?
Other hot topics for Christmas music are Jesus being awesome, Mary being awesome, snow, stars and a fat guy who lives with elves spying on children and visiting them in the night time.
Speaking of Santa Claus . . .
6. Teaching Children They Should Be Rewarded For Being Good.
Not only is Santa spying on you all day like the NSA – he will also reward you. For being good. For doing shit you aren’t suppose to do anyhow. Didn’t rape anyone? Didn’t murder anyone? Didn’t set any cats on fire? Didn’t steal other people’s stuff? Well good for you. Here’s a reward.
Instead of rewarding children for doing what they are suppose to do why not give them the opportunity to deal with the consequences of doing things they shouldn’t do.
Speaking of bad behaviour . . .
7. Bell Ringers.
It’s the worst possible combination. People asking for money and being loud at the same time. It’s just like a presidential election.
Speaking of dysfunctional people . . .
Not my family. My family is where they should be. Far away.
I’m talking about your family. At holiday time all my friends get their lives destroyed because their families show up with all sorts of drama and trauma. Here I finally have some time off from work which I could spend with the people I care about but those people have to spend time with their families. Which stresses them out, pisses them off and generally makes them miserable.