Dear Troubled with Trying.

You shouldn’t have gotten married… let me rephrase that… you shouldn’t have gotten married to the man that you married.

I mean, how stupid can you be? I’m sorry to sound harsh but you husband totally tricked you into marrying him.

You have been Fifty Shades of manipulated.

He got you right where he wanted you and now it is too late to go back. You can’t undo a marriage. I mean, come on, marriage is forever, right? Ohhhhhh wait. Sorry, I am mistaken. There is something you can do. IT’S CALLED GETTING A DIVORCE.

You really only have two options in this scenario.

1. You stay married to him for the rest of your life

Lets say you decide not to get a divorce. You will spend the rest of your days with a guy who is not only selfish, but is controlling and doesn’t respect you and your desires. He will never change. He will be the only one you have to spend your days with. You will have no children and, therefore, no grandchildren to fill your days and your heart with the love that you desire. You will be his and only his. He will not be able to fulfill your life as having kids would. You will resent him. You will regret your decision. Your heart will fill with hate and you will live an unhappy, unfulfilled life for the rest of your days until you die. Alone. Because he will probably die before you do.

Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.

I once went to a seminar where the Keynote Speaker talked about being a better you. It was truly inspirational. One of the things he said, that has always resonated with me, was:

“What do you think will be on your gravestone? Just your name and the dates that you lived? What does that say about your life?”

 

Think about that. Think about how you want to live your life. Life is too short to live with regrets and you would regret staying with him and not having kids.

There is no compromise when it comes to kids. You do or you don’t.

2. You get Divorced

You get to have kids with someone who will appreciate you and love you and your children. I know it sounds like a hassle to go through a divorce. I mean, it is not going to be fun. At all. You love this man, I am sure. I know there isn’t an ON/OFF switch for your love. You will probably always love him. But you need to move on. Your happiness depends on it. Love changes and you will find someone else who, I guarantee, you will be happier with. Don’t just stay with him because it is easy. One day it will be too late. We women don’t have as much time as they do. He can have kids into his eighties (even though he wont) and, finding someone new is much easier than it used to be. Online dating is awesome. Do it. Live the life you want to live.

Just because you are married, does not mean it is the end all, be all.  Don’t trap yourself in an unhappy, childless marriage for the rest of your life. Leave him now before it becomes too much of a habit or you start making excuses for him. It will be difficult, but you will look back and know you did the right thing. Especially when you have a baby kicking in your belly and another in your arms.